4 across, 7 down
by Eilidh41319
Summary: Set after 6x23. I'm kinda new to writing, so reviews appreciated.
1. Chapter 1 - the beginning

It had been over an hour since his last call. It shouldn't have taken him this long. Worry flooded through her veins, coursing it's way through her rigid body. She couldn't move, every muscle in her body static.

A ring.

'Hello? Yes, this is she.'

Her face fell. A single tear cascaded it's way down her broken face, a scar marking it's ruins.

She could do nothing but run. She ran to the car, the wedding car. This day was supposed to be the best day of their lives, not the worst.

The car sped down the isolated Hampton's lane, no words exchanged, no sounds other than the steady hum of the engine, this keeping her grounded from the point of remorse.

She saw it then.

Sweaty hands unlatched the car door and as she picked up her dress, her feet beneath her increased pace.

She ran towards the scene in front of her. It was then she truly believed.

Castles car. In flames. Nothing but the pressed flower from the pocket of his suit remained unscathed. It sat eerily exposed on the floor by the blazing car.

Her feet that had propelled her here gave way beneath her. She fell to the floor. As she fell, the pristine white of the dress was submerged in a sea of black ash.

Tears fell faster, rolling along the skirt of the dress and mixing with the black ash. It was ruined, gone.

Just like Castle.

For an hour she sat, waiting for the fire department to extinguish every last flame from the wreck that was once a car.

Martha, Alexis and Jim had come and tried to retrieve her, but it was no use. Esposito refused to let Lanie leave his side, out of fear and protection. Ryan wasn't allowed to come as he had Jenny and Sarah-Grace to look after.

But regardless of who came, no one could get through to her.

In an instant her detective instincts ignited. With all the flames now gone, she could see the inside of what was left of the car was still intact. She was able to make out the faint shape of the back seats.

The front seats were somewhat more obscured, and as her eyes worked their way over the scene, she froze.

Being a detective, identifying ruins was of second nature to her, and something was notoriously wrong.

There were no body remains.

For the first time since arriving at the scene, her heart lifted a fraction of a barely noticeable inch.

Suddenly it was a race. To find something, anything that could explain it. She searched through rubble, but everything was beyond comprehensible.

It was then she noticed the small draw that was located under the seat of the passengers side. The handle was intact. It seemed like it was untouched.

When she reached for it she felt a substance coating the front of the drawer. She knew what it was. A fire retardant kept the draw from destruction.

She grabbed the handle, still warm from the blaze, but it didn't deter her. She pulled the draw open.

A single piece of paper was left in the drawer. The side exposed was blank, but she could see the indents left from an inscription on the other side.

Turning it over, she read it slowly.

'4 across, 7 down.'


	2. Chapter 2 - if the piece fits

The car journey back to the Hampton's house was the longest 10 minutes of her life. Eventually Martha had coaxed her into the car, scrap of paper in hand.

No one had gotten a word out of her. Her gaze locked solidly on the phrase noted on the sheet.

It's relevance was poignant. She knew it. Castle may not be dead, but he certainly wasn't safe, and the anxiety shredded every last nerve apart.

The words repeated in her head

4 across, 7 down.

4 across, 7 down.

4 across, 7 down.

It lulled her into a subconscious state, and as she approached the house her subdued mind headed straight for the bedroom.

As she closed the hardwood door behind her, she dropped the paper in an instant.

Suddenly the dress felt like it was choking her. She ripped at the seam at her back, and yanked the sleeves down her arms. Bundling it up she threw the dress at the wardrobe.

Stood in a soft white petticoat and pale laced top, the silence became deafening. This place was too much.

Their wedding day was ruined. Any memory she had of the house was now ruined. Their first walk on the beach. The shells they collected. The karaoke. It was ruined.

She couldn't stay here any longer. It felt like space was enclosing in on her, ready to consume every last fragment of her being.

Peeling off the rest of her attire and slipping into some black jeans, grey jumper and leather jacket, she grabbed her essentials and headed out the back of the house.

She could hear the mumble of voices coming from guests the other side of the house. No one knew yet.

No one knew.

Upon reaching her car, she climbed in the drivers seat, and with a slow turn of the key the engine started up and she drove.

She drove away from everything. The dress, the wedding, the Hamptons, her family.

The drive was long and tiring, but she had to get away from it all. A long 2 hours later, she pulled up in the parking lot for the loft.

It was then that she found the strength to talk, to call someone.

'Detective Beckett. Badge number 41319. Yep. I'd like a call when all retrieved items come into the precinct from the vehicular fire, 2 miles from the Hampton's residence of Mr Richard Castle. Yes. Thankyou'

She put the phone down and sank into the sofa. She knew the loft was big, but in the moment it seemed to swallow her whole.

Putting her legs up at one end of the chair, she grabbed the nearest cushion and placed it below her head, lying horizontally along the couch.

Suddenly the weight pressing down on her wavered and made her eyes closed. She yawned, sighed, and pondered.

The thoughts were all encompassing, leaving nothing to chance. They went over every possible outcome.

They must have sent her to sleep at some point because instantaneously she was awoken by a loud ring.

'Yes. Okay thankyou. I'll be right there.'

She went to the bathroom, splashed some cold water on her weary face. She checked her phone once more. She'd slept through the night on the sofa and it was now the early hours of the next days morning.

She grabbed her keys on the way out and headed for the precinct. She'd had barely enough time to let anything sink in. It was happening too quickly, bursts of action amidst a blur of inadequate silence.

Pulling up outside the precinct she felt a strange sensation surround her. Her stomach flipped.

Entering the bullpen, she was surprised to find barely anyone preset. Gates and the guys would be somewhere near the Hampton's, most other detectives lulling or without interest.

'Umm Detective Beckett? The items retrieved from the scene?'

'Thankyou, officer.'

A bag containing about 3 items was handed to her, and the officer left the room as she made her way towards the desk.

She was drawn to the chair, after 6 years it was still beside her. Yet it was empty.

Opening the bag, she tipped the contents out onto her desk. She thumbed over a small pen, a bottle cap, and finally a small road map of various US states.

The pen was one of the free ones that companies send out, and the cap seemed irrelevant. Her hands came to rest on the roadside map.

She folded it out, open flat. It was only one sided, strange as they usually had markings both sides. It revealed a large selection of US states on the east coast of North America.

The locations were all familiar. Lining the coast were Boston, New York, Philadelphia, Washington DC. She'd visited all these places.

But she was drawn to the pale sheets of the map, for reasons she couldn't determine. It was then she noticed the boxes and numbers.

It clicked.

A map, with grid references and boxes, numbered. It seemed a standard map, purchasable in any store, yet it was the key.

4 across, 7 down.

4 across, 7 down.

4 across, 7 down.

She counted the squares, followed the grid references. Until she saw it. Her finger was inside the fourth box along, seventh box down.

A single place name was printed in bold. Although the same as every other name on the map, she could see the minute dot of a pencil marking just the the right of the name. So small, yet so significant. Someone had pinpointed it.

4 across, 7 down.

4 across, 7 down.

4 across, 7 down.

It was the right box. It had to be the place. But she'd never been there. But it had to be there. It was where the evidence lead her, where she may come close.

She said the name aloud.

'Raleigh.'

It was on the east coast, just below the Northern Carolina border, 4th box along, 7th box down.

It was where she was headed if she had any hope of finding him, alive or not.

Under her breath she mumbled;

'I'm coming for you, babe.'


	3. Chapter 3 - defining journeys

She put all the contents back in the bag except for the map. They bag would come with her just incase the items turned out to be of relevance.

She made her way out of the precinct into the fresh air. She gulped in giant breaths of the air, it felt fresh and renewing to her lungs.

There was a slight breeze that blew through her hair. It was down, it had fallen out of the position it had been in for the wedding, and was now a mass of perfectly formed curls.

Taking one last deep breath, she made her way to the car.

Making a quick stop at the loft, she grabbed everything she would need. A spare change of clothes, spare cash, some toiletries, and an old shirt of Castle's. It was petty, but she felt insecure without it.

Then she returned to the car.

As soon as she got in she drove. There was no time to think anymore. The only consideration she had taken was the route. To get from the Hampton's to Raleigh, without passing the Hampton's house, there was only one route.

She hadn't realised how long the drive was. Stopping in a lay-by, she took her phone out her pocket. She knew the direction, it was roughly a straight route down south. She searched for the quickest route by car.

9 hours 45 minutes.

It was unanticipated. She had 8 hours 15 minutes left. She had come with the most minimal essentials, unaware of what the commute would entail. She reached for her bag.

She pulled out Castle's old shirt, and inhaled the scent of it. It smelt just like him, raw delight. Unable to put it back, she draped it over her knees.

It wasn't a cold day, but the weight of his shirt on her knee warmed her, a comforting presence. It drove her on, so she began driving again.

A long 8 hours later, she finally arrived at a gas station. A big sign just outside it said 'Raleigh - 3 miles'

Filling up with petrol, and buying a few food products, she returned to the car. She took out the map from the evidence bag, and once again laid it out flat in front of her.

She looked at the square again. The tiny pencil mark taunted her. She was here, but had no assertive plan of what to do now.

The map wasn't detailed enough to see small details like motels, and gas stations, so she brought a closer view of Raleigh up on her phone.

It indicated from this end of the state that there was 5 motels within a 10 mile range. The drive was long, she needed to stop somewhere to deposit her stuff and initiate some form of plan.

She brought up the names of the hotels on the screen.

'Raleigh's Finest'

'Raleigh's Great Find'

'The Raleigh Inn'

'The Raleigh Heat'

'Raleigh's Rare Delight'

She was drawn inexplicably to one name. 'The Raleigh Heat.' Heat. Castle had wrote a book about her. Nikki heat. It seemed to draw her in. It was a stupid connection, but it felt right enough to bring her a little happiness.

She drove to 'The Raleigh Heat' motel from the gas station, it was just 2 miles into Raleigh. It looked pleasant. It had a spacious garden spanning the front face of it, and the blossom fell gently in the soft breeze.

It actually looked nice. In the midst of her pain it brought her some comfort, because despite the fire situation, it felt lighter.

Grabbing her bag, she got out of the car, and made her way towards the entrance.

When she entered the motel lobby, it was warm and inviting. There was the faint smell of flowers in the air, the kind hotels use to make it more fresh. It was pleasant.

Everyone looked content. Kids were smiling, couples were walking hand in hand, everyone was happy.

She felt like she stuck out. Dressed in all black, a dull beacon.

'Umm Hi. I'd like to have a room for the night please.

'Certainly Madam. Can I ask for your name?'

'Kate. Kate Beckett.'

'Oh, it seems as if there's already a reservation under your name. That's right, a young man phoned up and booked a one might stay here for you. Room 74, floor 2'

She froze. A room. There was a room booked under her name. She chose this place at random? How was a room booked for her. By someone?

She went a faint white colour, against the dark colours of her attire she looked ill.

'Miss? Are you okay? Would you like your room key?'

Her focus was back.

'Sorry. Yes. Thankyou.'

She took the key with a shaky hand, picked up her bag off the floor, and made her way towards the stairwell. She knew this had been done for a reason.

But how did they get the right motel? What was happening?

As she approached the door to her room, she put her bag down, and took her gun out of its pocket on her waist. She felt her backup pressed neatly against her lower leg.

A piece of metal was the only safety that could be offered to her, so she was taking it as cautiously as she could.

She knocked. It was her room, she had the key, but it was a precaution.

No answer. The silence pierced through her, deafening.

Turning the key in the lock, she unlocked the door, still closed. Gun in one hand, she pushed open the door with the other.

An empty silence greeted her.

She swept the room. The bathroom. Nothing, no one. Everything looked in order.

It haunted her. The predetermined view of what she would find was imprinted in her mind, yet it wasn't reality.

She went back to the hallway to pick up her bag, and put it on the bed. After checking her phone and feeling the ring around her neck, she began to search.

She searched every inch of the room looking for something, anything that may be of help. But nothing.

No leaflet was out of place, no furniture missing, no nothing. It was as if everything was normal. Yet it wasn't.

Someone, something had made her come here. Drawn her here, and for what?

After hours worth of continual searching, she gave up, and fell onto the bed flat on her back.

Closing her eyes only made the pain worse.

Castle. The wedding. The car. The fire. Her dad. Martha. Alexis. The wedding. Castle. Castle. Castle.

It was the dominating thought. Castle.

She opened them, head feeling heavy, eyes feeling weary, and she looked up to the ceiling. It was only then she noticed it was compiled of rows of tiles.

They were all a regimented shade of. Cream, to match the pallor of the walls. But one, just above her head, was a slightly darker shade. It stuck out, and called her.

Standing on the bed, her fingertip brushed against the tile. She was only millimetres too short.

She climbed down and reached for the pen out of the evidence bag. Standing back up on the bed she pushed the odd coloured tile with the end of the pen, it giving her the extra height to knock the tile out of its place.

It moved slightly to one side. Marginally, but it moved. In the small opening, she could see a tiny strip of something sticking it.

The pen was no use in pulling it down, it was lodged. She sat down on the bed, staring at it.

A book.

She grabbed for the book the motel supplied on the bedside table. It gave her the extra height to reach. Her hand touched the strip of paper, and managed to dislodge it.

It tumbled down onto the bed next to her feet, and she sat down following it.

Putting the book to one side, she picked up the paper strip. The side facing her was blank. Turning it over, it was blank again.

The only strange thing about it was it had a hole in the centre.

A long thin rectangle, with a carefully cut out hole in the centre was hidden in the ceiling tile. It had to have a meaning.

She wished Castle was with her. He would have some theory on its meaning and it's derivation.

Tossing it aside, it fluttered to the floor. She picked up the book she'd stood on and began flicking through the pages. By the third page along she realised the books pages were the same colour to the sheet of paper.

She had opened the book and shaken it to see if something would fall out, but she hadn't examined it properly on her search before.

One by one she turned over the pages. They seemed normal, the only similarity to the scrap was the colour.

It was on the penultimate page her hands felt across something unusual. The page had the same shaped hole in it. The scrap was cut from there. But there was no writing on the page?

Turning the page over, she let out a low gasp.

The words on the top of the page had been handwritten.

The scrap of paper had removed the unwanted word that had been written in haste.

It read

'Dead or alive in the stone pit'


	4. Chapter 4 - anything is possible

The words crushed her. It felt like her world was crumbling down around her, voiding her of any feelings.

Dead or alive.

She assumed the worst. It came with her territory as a detective. Dead. The word sickened her, and made her stomach churn.

If Castle was dead she couldn't go on. Everything she'd built and achieved in the past 6 years, everything she'd accomplished.

It had been a matter of weeks since she'd closed her mothers case. With him. It was the best moment of her career, her life.

To not have him around would be like losing her mother all over again. She wouldn't rest, wouldn't stop until justice was achieved.

Dead.

'Or alive' seemed irrelevant. It had been almost a day, being alive was no preconception.

Being along was destroying her. She needed someone, but she couldn't bring herself to want anyone but Castle.

It had to be done though. Reaching for her phone, she dialled.

'Martha? It's Kate. I'm fine, really I'm okay. It's just I needed some space, some time. Please don't worry, and I'm sorry for the mess. With everything going on. I promise you I will find the son of a bitch who did this. And Martha? Thankyou. For everything, for the life you've given me. For Castle. I will find him. I promise you we will reach him.'

As she ended the call, her eyes closed. She felt momentarily blessed that it was only the answer machine. She couldn't face talking to anyone right now.

Opening her eyes, she did one last thing.

'Dad? It's me. I just wanted to let you know I'm safe. I'm not going to pretend I'm not okay, because truth is, I'm hurting. But I'm in this, for Castle. This dance cannot end here. I'm going to find him. I'm going to do this. Please look after yourself. I love you.'

As she ended her second voicemail message, a single tear fell down to the page still open in the book on her lap.

It was only then that she saw something else. She'd been so preoccupied by the words, that she'd failed to notice before.

Above and below the words 'dead or alive' were series of arrows. They pointed in all directions.

Arrows. Words. The whole journey to here had been a series of puzzles, this one only adding to the mystery.

A switch flipped inside of her.

Anagrams.

As a child she'd been too preoccupied to focus on trivial things like puzzles, and now she'd wished otherwise.

It may have been the small shred of hope within her that wished that 'dead or alive' wasn't the true meaning, and it drove her to find the answer.

An anagram seemed the only possible solution. What else would the arrows mean?

It reminded her of Castle. His way with words and wit. The crosswords he would sit and do, as she laid head on his chest with a glass of wine.

The thought both broke and drove her.

Nothing.

She couldn't comprehend it. She was so sure it was an anagram. Every inch of her pleaded for the answer.

But it defeated her. After an hour she needed a break. Padding across to the corner of the motel room, she filled the kettle and picked up a wad of brochures the motel provided.

Once she'd poured a steaming cup of coffee, brochures in hand she made her way back to the bed.

Sitting down, she flicked through the first of the leaflets. It was lime green in colour, advertising a local carnival.

Next one was a more subtle shade, soft blue promoting a new cafe opening just down the street.

She went through more and more, vaguely intrigued, but more as means of a distraction.

Halfway through the substantially large pile, she came across a more new one. It looked about 5 years more modern than the tatty rest. Fresh colours covered the glossy finish, and made the rest look like ruins.

Reading it though, it seemed like all the rest. Dull and unimportant. Tossing it aside with the rest she continued.

Swimming pool. Marching band. Motel opening. Celebrity visit. They all banged on about the affairs of the state, nothing more.

Once she's read them all, she once again picked up the book.

'Dead or alive in the stone pit.'

The anagram lead was gone. She'd spent too long achieving nothing.

'Dead or alive in the stone pit.'

Pit. Pit. Pit.

It rang out. Something was pulling her, unlike before.

Pit.

She'd just read it. Leaflets. Almost 30 she'd gone through.

Pit.

There were two about some old quarries in the area. They were describing the various sections of the quarry. Pit was one of them.

Subconsciously she had remembered reading it, but had not thought anything of it first time.

She found them both within seconds.

They were for two different quarries. 'Dealao Drive quarry' and 'Goldbridge quarry'.

Which one?

Just above the title of the Dealao Drive quarry, was an arrow. It was part of their logo.

She snatched the book back up, and put the book and leaflet next to each other. It was then she figured out the anagram.

Dead or alive. Dealao Drive. That was the anagram. And the arrow in the logo. It all fit.

'Dead or alive in the stone pit.'

The leaflet had done a good job in describing the pit.

She knew her next destination, but she was unsure about she wanted to find out what it would let in for.


	5. Chapter 5 - sorry for the pain

It was only going to be a short trip. According to the leaflet the quarry was only 15 miles from the motel she was in. But it was late.

She didn't want to venture out at 9.30pm at night unaware of the area or community. She felt weak and tired, so felt it in her best interest to sleep the night before heading out early the next day.

One thought stuck in her mind. There were leaflets for the quarry, it seemed like a tourist destination, not a site for a twisted game that was being imposed.

In some ways it reassured her, there would be no dead body in a family destination, just another clue.

But it was the clues that drove her crazy. What kind of sick joke was it to taunt a heartbroken women clues to a possibly alive lover.

The thoughts circled round in her head as she retired to the bathroom. She put on a pair of loose shorts and an oversized jersey, and fashioned her hair in a messy bun.

It was then her gaze stopped. She took a step towards the bathroom mirror and touched the reflective surface.

The earrings.

She still had the earrings Martha gave her in. Suddenly the weight of the situation struck her.

She had almost married the love of her life, her one and done, and after everything they'd been through, it didn't happen.

It felt like she was made of glass. Everything she'd been through chipped away pieces of her. She was broken damaged. But this wedding, it was the glue, the piece that brought together all the broken shards and made her whole again.

But now the glass wasn't chipped, it had shattered.

The earrings bought it all back to reality. It really hadn't happened, she really was alone, Castle really was gone.

She thought removing them would make the weight lift, yet it only made the load feel heavier.

She laid them to the side of the basin, and splashed the cold water on her face.

If only the water could wash away the pain she was feeling. If only it could bring Castle back.

Head in hands, she knelt down on the floor. Every inch of her weary body yearned for him. She longed for his warm touch and firm grip around the small of her back. She ached for the tender way he pushed back the curls that framed her delicate face. She craved the taste of his lips on hers, the locking of tongues, the spark. She had a thirst for passion, sweetness, love. She desired everything about him. She just wanted him, right here, in this moment with her.

The tears were falling at speed. They carved their way down her cheeks, falling in droplets onto her thigh, before trailing their way down her bare legs, and ending in a puddle on the floor.

As hard as she tried she couldn't stop, it wasn't enough. Crying wasn't filling the gap she had. And that made the tears fall quicker and faster.

Standing up, tears still falling, she made her way to the bed. There was no use in drying them, she knew they'd only fall moments later anyway.

Before getting into the bed, she made a side trip to her bag. She pulled out Castle's shirt.

She felt ridiculous, like a grieving widow, holding onto the memory for as long as possible. But truthfully, it was exactly what it felt like for her.

She silently scolded herself, she had gotten so sentimental since meeting him. Not that she minded, but she kind of enjoyed the badass persona that followed her around.

She climbed into the bed, ironically the same size as the one in the Hampton's. The one they would have shared. It only worsened the pain.

Climbing into the covers, she instead slept on Castle's side of the bed instead of her own. They had sides, as cliché as it sounded.

Hugging the shirt close to her chest, she let the tears rhythmically fall onto the pillow beneath her head.

It gave her time to think. Every inch of her body was tired, yet as hard as she tried, she couldn't sleep. Instead she had to wait for her body to close itself down.

She tried to forget about the trail, the clues, but every twist and turn in thought she made away from it only made it straight back to the inevitable.

She tried thinking of her dad, but the image of him concerned made her yet more sad. She tried thinking of Lanie, but it made her miss having company. She tried thinking of Espo, the wit, the humour, but it reminded her of what she was missing. She tried thinking of Ryan, but it reminded her of what she almost had with Castle.

Castle.

She tried thinking of anything else, but to no avail. As usual, her mind was going to decide its course, not her heart, and so she was back to the situation at hand.

She worked out what she had figured out so far.

The note. It had read '4 across, 7 down.' It had lead her to the evidence bag, the pen, the cap, and the map. The map had squares, and the fourth along and seventh down had revealed Raleigh. It's pencil mark hinted it's relevance. Upon arrival she'd randomly chosen a motel to stay in, of which had a room pre-booked under her name. And this lead her to the motel room, with the ceiling tile. After difficulty it had revealed the plain scrap of paper, which coincided with the penultimate page of the bedside book. It revealed a phrase, 'dead or alive in the stone pit' or an anagram as it seemed. Dealao Drive was the location revealed.

The planning was ingenious. Someone had gone through an enormous amount of effort to meticulously strategise and accomplish every step of this. It was orchestrated almost perfectly, each clue handing over to the next.

It was frightening. This much effort was put in, for what?

The whole time she'd been worried about finding Castle, alive. But it never occurred to her why it happened.

Why was he taken? Amidst the pain this thought hadn't taken precedence, until now.

This, surprisingly made the tears stop. Her eyes felt weak and dry. The pillow beneath her head soaked. Yet she couldn't move, she felt paralysed.

It was planned to the T. Everything. There was a reason it had happened, why everything had turned out the way it had.

It chilled her. A shiver ran down the length of her back, and a sweat formed on the planes of her face.

She felt unsafe, in this room. She'd locked all doors and windows, and put her piece and backup in two separate places within reach of her current position in the bed, yet she felt unsafe.

She knew the location she was heading for the next day was by far more dangerous, yet here, in the dark, alone, she felt several times more vulnerable.

She drew the covers up to her face, slid further down the bed, and buried herself beneath the heavy quilt.

In a strange way it comforted her. She was completely covered, no side of her exposed. Castles shirt still in the sweaty palm of her hand.

There was only one moment in her life she could think of that compared to the vulnerable and paranoid state that she found herself in now.

Her shooting. Nothing about the situation was similar, no crime, no action, no motive, yet it's consequences felt bewilderingly similar.

In both cases she felt secluded, isolated, alone. The pain seared unequivocally both times, her mind never at rest.

She was panicking under the covers. She was a detective, and she was hiding beneath the sheets of a bed. Yet it felt like the strongest protection there was to offer.

Her mind drifted slightly, then halted.

A noise.

There was a low creaking sound. It sounded like the moan of floorboards, footsteps disturbing their surface.

She felt stick to the stomach, regretting eating so much on the car journey. If there was anything out there, she was prime target.

It seemed to get louder, like a ringing in her ears. It repeated and felt disturbingly close.

She brought her knees to her chest and cradled them, shirt in between chest and upper leg.

Eyes closed she took in deep breathes, big enough to calm her, but quiet enough not to be heard.

The noise was there. Constant. Creaking.

The anxiety she felt increased. Her reaction, it wasn't normal. She was suffering, of that she was certain. Sweat beaded along her back, as she lay huddled in an almost fetal position.

Someone has done this to her. Something had brought her to her tipping point. Yet she had walked straight into it herself for the one she loved.

Once again the creaks sounded.

It wasn't until this fourth time that realisation dawned. Her whole body was shaking fiercely. She was rocking almost, and shaking as she was curled up in a tight ball. It was so violent that the bed was shaking. It was causing the floorboards to creak. There was nothing out there at all.

What had happened to her? She didn't let her feelings take over, never let down her guard. But someone had brought her to this state of vulnerability, this distress.

Uncurling, she felt her muscles relax momentarily, before contracting again in readiness. Her whole body was failing her. Her mind paranoid, her body following suit.

It was eating her alive.

She clawed back some of her senses, and slowly brought her head up from under the covers. There was no one there. Nothing. Reaching over to the bedside cabinet she felt for her gun, the reassurance. Switching on the small table lamp as a source of presence, she allowed her mind at last to rest.

She refused to have another episode, afraid of its meaning. She wouldn't accept a recurrence of PTSD, but the fact she was able to diagnose herself in her panicked state almost confirmed the unwanted subject.

I'm the fleeting moments before her mind rested for the night, she spoke softly to herself;

'I can't do this alone.'


	6. Chapter 6 - time

She woke up in the early hours of the morning. It was only 5:43am when she checked her phone, but now she was awake, so was her mind.

There was the faintest amount of sunlight penetrating the thin motel curtains that covered the small window, and so she decided it was morning enough.

Sitting up against the headboard of the bed, she rubbed her eyes. She felt surprisingly good, but that's when she remembered the night she'd had.

She held a hand out in front of her to see if it was shaking, but it seemed still. A change.

Her pillow was still slightly damp, it pained her to think she may have cried throughout the night. It wasn't in her nature to be so vulnerable, and the change hurt.

Her hair had fallen loosely around her face, and her pyjama top hung precariously off her right shoulder. It mirrored her mood. Disheveled.

Inhaling deeply, she pushed the duvet up off of her body. It revealed the shirt she'd been cradling all night. Picking it up, she folded it tenderly and placed it on the bedside table.

She couldn't shake the feeling though, the lingering thought at the back of her mind that probed the delicate subject of her mental state. Her judgement had to be crucial right now. It was just her against this mess, and an occurrence would be devastating.

She stood up and began pacing. She knew she was heading to the stone pit, but she wanted preparation. There was no way she was going to have a repeat of last nights events.

After about 5 minutes, she grabbed her change of clothes and made her way to the bathroom. All she needed was a long relaxing shower to calm herself down.

Turning the tap on, she let the cool water drip down her slender body, and course it's way to the ground. She ran sleek hands through her soaked hair, and washed her body over. Letting the water fully soak into her, she closed her eyes. The coolness of the droplets soothed her, and it felt as though the pain was slowly subsiding.

She lost track of time. But pulling out of the subconscious state she seemed to have put herself in, she came out of the shower, dressed, and wandered back into the other room.

She'd packed some food, so decided on having a cereal bar for breakfast. Using the motel kettle she made a cup of coffee, and poured it into a flask she'd brought.

Coffee in hand, packed bag in the other, she left the motel and headed for her car.

Sitting in her car, she felt a strange sense of strength building up within her. The fact she'd made it this far, and was about to embark upon this next dubious clue made her feel stronger. She could tell her mind was trying to patch the hole it had made last night.

The drive was only short, and this helped her not to change her mind.

She parked in the main car park, or at least what she thought was the main one. Waking up so early, she got to the quarry at 6:50am, so it was no wonder there wasn't a soul insight.

She drew the leaflet out of her bag with directions to the various sections of the site. The pit was indicated to be about 400 yards west of the main quarry. The main quarry she could see was along a marked footpath ahead of her.

She started along the footpath. The sun was up, and there was light, but there was a hazy mist. It didn't stop her visibility, but any far distance ahead was obscured.

After walking all of two minutes, the sign for the main quarry was directly in front of her. It had markers attached to it, pointing in the direction of the location it described. The marker she was looking for corroborated the wording in the leaflet, 400 yards west of the main quarry.

Taking the left path, she made her way west. The terrain changed from a paved path to a rocky lane. Her feet continued at a steady pace, making their way along the path adeptly.

Within minutes, the stone pit came into view. Approaching it, she read the sign next to it.

'Dealao Drive Stone Pit. The quarry, founded in 1847 was the main source of the State's limestone. Once quarried, the stones were stored in this pit, ready for transport. The deep hole was arranged with a system of pulleys to make the workload efficient.'

It went on but the details seemed insignificant so she focused her attention elsewhere.

Feeling once again for her piece on her waistline and backup on her lower leg, she decided to get closer.

The pit was large and round. It must have been around 10 meters in diameter. She walked her way around the circumference, checking both the ground and surroundings for any sign or clue.

The pit was open top. It didn't look safe, hell, she didn't feel safe being near it. It was almost like a giant well and as she made her way around the edge, she came across the old pulley system.

The framework seemed ancient, the wood splintered and the rope frayed. But there was something that stood our from the rest. There was a handle on the side. And it was new.

Reaching down to touch it, she could tell the stainless steel handle was not from the 19th century like the rest of the mechanism.

Someone had used it, placed it.

Pushing the handle forward, seemed to produce more rope on the side nearest her, it was obviously bringing the cradle at the bottom up.

Just touching the handle made her cold with fear. It was the very thing that made her heart do small flips inside of her chest. She reeled it up quicker then, wanting the suspense to be over, the fear to reside.

The length of rope got continually longer, until she could hear the creak of the cradle almost at the surface.

She felt the rope stop coming as the cradle surfaced. Looking over, the cradle held nothing. There was no paper, no object no nothing.

How could she be so wrong?

The handle was new? She'd seen it? Looking back at the mechanism to assure her original instincts, her heart jumped harder than ever.

The rope that had come up as the pulley system was raised had a small inscription written on the length that had appeared last.

'You lose.'

Lose what? What did it mean? The defeat she felt was gone, and curiosity took its place.

There was a faint noise.

It sounded like the banging of an object against a barely solid surface. Listening more closely, she noticed it was continuous.

Every 2 seconds there was the low note of 2 surfaces in contact with each other. It was coming from the pit.

An old pipe? Excess rain water gurgling through a pipe? Falling stones?

She got closer. Walking nearer to the pit, the sound got stronger. She was almost at the edge when it stopped. She stood, waiting. Moments later, it started back up. Stronger, as if it could sense a presence.

Now at the edge of the pit, all she could see was darkness. Taking her phone out of her pocket, she turned on the flashlight and directed it at the pit. She wasn't close enough.

Bending down, the sound got stronger still. Holding the light directly above the pit, she leaned over slightly trying to get a better view.

She felt a hand on her back, and suddenly, a force had pushed her. Her stability was hazardous, but before she could stabilise herself, it was too late.

She was falling.

She screamed. She could feel her body falling down the pit. It got darker, deeper, and there was nothing she could do about it.

The last thing thought that crossed her mind was

'I really have lost.'


	7. Chapter 7 - pain where pain is due

Her head throbbed. Her ribs pounded. Her stomach flipped. Her legs ached. Her lungs burned.

Her eyes opened.

It was dark and damp, cornered by a vast expanse of nothingness. Her eyes were trying to adjust to the surroundings, but the throbbing in her head made her lack focus.

She tried to lift her body, but it felt like a dead weight. It seemed as if only her eyes were moving, and analysing the situation.

It came back then, in flashes. The drive to the pit, the walk there, the note on the rope. The push.

She'd fallen down. And now she lay there, immobile, with no idea how long she'd been like that.

She seemed to be on her front, cheek to the ground, arms and legs in all directions. She managed to turn her head slightly, and look in the direction from that she thought was the top of the pit.

Now her eyes had just about adjusted, it looked as though there may be a faint sunset. If she strained hard enough the pitch black turned into a more misty blue hazed with the tiniest hint of orange. It must be sunset.

Taking in the fact that she'd fallen so many feet down was one thing, but being down there was something entirely different.

Her recollections were coming back in drips and drabs. She'd got to the pit in the morning. How was it so dark now?

She'd been unconscious. For over 12 hours she must have been lying unconscious on the pit floor.

Again another memory surfaced. She thought she'd heard a sound coming from the pit, which is why she'd bent down closer.

It dawned on her. Someone was waiting for her. They'd purposely waited until she'd found the message, and then pushed her. She kicked herself while in this almost paralytic state, she hadn't been a cop. She hadn't checked her perimeter and she hadn't stayed safe.

The original mess was now so much worse than could have possibly been thought, and there was nothing she could do about it.

Her mind kept going back to the sound. She knew she'd heard something, and it definitely came from within the pit.

She also knew for well that her time was running out. The longer she stayed lying on the ground, the more likely the chances of her injuries sustaining. She needed to move, and fast.

Drawing in a deep breath, she shook either arm. She could slowly feel the blood recirculating in her arms. Once she'd regained feeling, she tried to push herself up from the ground. Her chest was like a dead weight, too much for her arms to handle.

Instead she tried to turn over. Forcing all her weight to one side, she pushed her body towards the left, and somehow mustered up the strength to roll herself over onto her back.

Pain seared through her lungs again, coursing it's way through her body, tearing at every shred of nerve she had. How was she alive?

She'd fallen over 10 feet and lived. How was she alive?

This time, and more slowly she urged her body forward to lift herself up off the floor. With great difficulty she managed to get herself seated upright.

Head still pounding, she arched it forwards, burying it in her hands. She felt something warm coat her hands, and then she smelt it.

Blood.

She could now feel it running down her face, inscribing itself deep into her tender skin.

It's source seemed to come from her head. Reaching her hands further up, she could feel it's origin. Her hair had matted together, and stuck to the large wound on the left of her scalp.

Bringing her hands down, she placed them on the floor. Taking in more heavy breaths she rationalised her thoughts. If she had any chance of sorting out these injuries she had to get out.

She still hadn't managed to get her legs moving. They were out in front of her, taunting. As hard as she tried to shake them, she couldn't get movement.

Putting her hands to them, they felt rigid. She'd been a cop too long to noticed sustained injuries.

With bloodstained hands she tried to massage both the upper and lower part of her legs. They needed to move, she needed to move.

Slowly but surely she felt herself regaining feeling once again, and soon was content that her body way functioning despite its wounds.

It was almost metaphoric. She carried the weight of the world on her shoulders, fought a battle for so long for both her sake and her mothers, only to end up in an entirely new war of her own.

It was time. With extreme care, she pushed herself up off the ground.

The pain was unlike anything she'd ever felt before, and that way saying a lot considering everything she'd been through. Every inch of her body wanted to give up, to stop, but she fought it fiercely.

At last she was standing upright. The pain was slowly getting more unnoticeable, more due to the fact that her mind was now preoccupied.

She needed to search for a way out. She'd survived, she'd manage to move, to stand; and now she was getting out of here.

Arms outstretched in front of her, she walked continually until her hands touched a surface. They felt the cool dampness of the pit wall.

Keeping her hands pressed to the wall, she decided to walk the circumference, checking the wall for anything useful.

First step and the wall felt the same, similarly the next few steps had the same outcome.

What must have only been a few meters around, her hands had felt something cold and shiny. She still couldn't make anything out clear enough.

It was then she remembered her phone. The hope was only short lived however, because she knew full well it would have smashed in the fall.

She resorted to examining the surface by its feel. Running her hands across it again, it felt smooth. Like some kind of metal. Hitting it with her knuckles produced nothing of insight. It was roughly square shaped, with sides about 30 centimetres. Nothing else about it gave out any more information.

She made a mental note to come back to it later. She began walking again, observing even more closely the walls texture and appearance.

Though it was still pitch black, her adjusted eyes could make out the sight of faint stones embedded into the walls along with other debris.

Carrying on, she felt as though she had almost walked the whole circumference. It seemed about the same distance as above the pit. She was about to stop when her legs hit something in front of her.

It was soft, and came up to just above knee height. She bent down.

The joints in her knee gave way as she bent down, and she ended up releasing a scream. The pain was agonising, and the scream mirrored this.

After moments, she managed to sit herself up. Careful not to put weight on her knees just yet, she held her hands out ahead of her in search for what her legs came across.

She felt it again, this time with her hands. It was soft, almost material like. Moving her hands further along the length of the object, she came across a new texture.

It was somewhat less soft, but smooth, and wrinkled. In an instant her hand jerked away from it.

She knew what it was.

Skin.

The object, it was a person.

She needed to see whether they were alive.

Putting a hand out yet again, she hesitantly felt for the body again. It was hunched over, curled up, back against one of the walls.

This was by far one of the most terrifying experiences she'd ever had to face.

Hand back on the material, she judged it to be some kind of soft fabric. Hands moving to the right, the she felt the softer cotton of a shirt. Moving again to the right and there was something long and narrow. It felt almost like a tie.

Hands moving upwards instead this time, she confirmed the presence of a tie. Her hands reached skin. The neck it seemed. This is what she's been looking for.

She held out two fingers and placed them on the side of the neck to check for a pulse. It was faint, but it was there. It was much too slow, and much too faint, looking as though it wouldn't last much longer than a day.

She was alive. He was alive (or so she assumed as a result of the tie). Was he a businessman? Some sort of father figure?

Moving her hands away from his neck, she reached for the wall in order to try and push herself up.

She hadn't reached high enough. Her hand had touched something soft and greasy.

Hair.

Her brain buzzed, a switch flipped.

To confirm suspicion, she reached her way back down to the clothes material, and found a pocket. Hand inside, it came across a small object. No bigger than a few centimetres, with jagged edges and a rough surface. A shell.

Their shell.

Tears streamed down the side of her face, she could taste them as they fell past her mouth, mixing with the blood that also still dropped freely.

The body. It was Castle's.


	8. Chapter 8 - don't get your hopes up

'Castle? No, nooo. Please, noooo. Castle? Castle?'

She was screaming at the top of her lungs, her voice as loud as it could go. No use. She tried another approach.

'Rick. Rick please, just open your eyes. I'm right here. I'm more than a partner, I'm your friend, your lover, your muse, your always.'

She stroked the side of what she assumed to be his face. She could feel the stubble that had grown. Her touch was as tender as possible.

This was all she had wanted, to find him, alive. But not this way. Not unconscious and left for dead. Not with her multiple injuries too. It was supposed to bring joy not further pain.

She drew her head nearer to his, though in the darkness it was hard to make out. She could hear his breathing, it was very light, but it was happening. Right now, it was the only reassuring fact.

Her knees were beginning to give way again. She sat down on the pit floor, back to the wall, head resting on Castle's shoulder.

It felt bonier than usual, what was usually muscular felt weak. More tears fell from her eyes.

She reached her hand out in the darkness. She was searching. Dragging her hand along the pit floor she was waiting for the feel of skin on skin. At last she found it.

Intertwining her fingers with his, she let out a long sigh. Through snivels she felt her breathing mimicking the intense nature of the situation; it was offbeat and erratic.

The weight of his hand in hers lent a small amount of comfort to her. It was only slightly warm, she sensed the circulation was bad, and that his hand was in bad shape.

As her head was now rested on his shoulder, she could feel it growing weary. As hard as she tried to stay awake, not wanting to miss any more time or lose track of the situation, her mind succumbed to the numbness and she fell into a deep slumber.

She could feel her eyes slowly opening, once again trying to adjust to how little light there was. From the angle she was sat at, with a tilt of her head she could see the top of the open pit. There looked to be a small amount of daylight. She must have slept through the night.

She was in such a heavy sleep though, so what woke her up? It was then she realised.

She could feel something nudging her ribs, a constant probing on her left side. Turning her body to face Castle's she could feel the movement of his elbow.

Castle was moving.

It was only his elbow, but it was a start. Something in his state must have changed though, because there was no way he would have been capable to make such a movement last night.

Sitting more upright, she reached her hand up to his neck again, and with two fingers checked his pulse. It was stronger.

It felt like a minor miracle. She hadn't done anything to help him, she'd fallen asleep, so his improved state seemed bewildering, but nonetheless welcoming.

Her whole body was so close to his now, and every part of her ached just to hold him. She had to restrain, she knew his body was too weak.

Being so close to him however, with the tiniest amount of light coming in, she could make out the outline of his features.

His mouth was slightly open, seemingly skewed. His cheeks were stained in both blood and dirt, as well as the mess of unshaven stubble that marked its place. But then she saw his eyes.

They were open.

Granted, not fully open. But they were open a few millimetres. And it showed her that something was changing.

'Castle? Rick? Can you hear me? Your eyes are open slightly, can you see me? Can you speak? Rick are you okay? I've been so worried I can't begin to explain. I just need you, with me. I can't do this alone.'

She closed her eyes trying to stop the tears that she could feel welling up. She refused to get overly emotional just yet, if anything she should be happy, not awash with a mix of feelings.

Something brushed against her hand, and she felt contact. Suddenly fingers laced themselves into hers, and she felt a warmth radiate.

She wiped a stray tear before clasping her other hand over both his and hers.

'You're alive. Listen, babe, this is going to be okay. We're going to be okay. And no matter what happens, I will be with you every step of the way. You hear me?'

She was itching to hear the sound of his voice. She wanted his raspy tone to reverberate around her eardrums. She wanted to hear the rusk of his voice as it whispered something softly in her ear. She longed to hear the mellowness of his voice as it seduced her into something entirely consensual. She just needed to hear his voice.

But still nothing came out.

Then she felt a squeeze of her hand. He had acknowledged her. He knew she was there with him. At this point in time it was all that she could ask for.

Bringing his hand up to her mouth, she kissed it gently. She then moved it and placed it on the centre of her chest.

'You feel this Castle? It's my heartbeat. You may not be able to respond, but I know you can hear me. I know that you know I'm here. And I'm telling you I'm here. I am never leaving. This heartbeat? It's a promise. Whenever you need to know I'm here, you just need to reach out. It will always beat, for you. My whole heart strives for you, it works for you, it lives for you. From the very first moment I laid eyes on you it picked you. It singled you out, and always reminded me of that. You will never ever be alone again. This heart? It's not mine, it's yours. I know sometimes it can feel like there's nothing left, but there will always be this. I love you Castle, and this promise is forever. We will get out of this, and when we do, this heartbeat, it will beat for the both of us.'

Only a single tear escaped from her eye, and it fell onto the back of Castle's palm.

She bent forward, to press one delicate kiss to his mouth to reinforce everything she just said.

Pressing her lips to his, she knew he wouldn't be able to kiss her back, but she needed just a taste.

She released her lips, and part of her wanted to go back for more, but she knew it wouldn't help either of them.

Through the echoing silence she heard the faintest croak of a word escape from his lips;

'Always?'

This time she gave in. She kissed his lips again.

'Always.'


	9. Chapter 9 - unwanted company

Her happiness was short lived. Only moments after Castle uttered the word she'd been dying to hear for days now, her whole world collapsed again.

His eyes rolled backwards, his jaw became slack, and he fell sideways, crashing onto the pit floor below him.

'Castle? No. We were so close, please don't do this to me. Stay with me, please.'

She bent down and placed a hand either side of his face. She tenderly stroked his hair, and whispered softly into his ear.

'Whatever they've done to you, whoever they are, I will find them. And when I find them, I will get justice, for us.'

Whatever was happening, her soothing words seemed to relax his contracted muscles slightly, and she felt his body become less of a weight.

Checking his pulse, she manoeuvred herself so that she was sitting with her back flush against the wall, and his head was resting on her lap.

She didn't know what was happening, but she knew there was nothing she could do. There were tears rolling, she was so out of her depth.

Castle could be dying in her arms this very moment, yet she could do nothing but watch.

She had nothing available to her. Her phone had broken in the fall, her bag wasn't even in the pit. It was just her and Castle. In her initial sweep she hadn't found anything either.

That reminded her. The metal on the wall.

Again she made a mental note to go back later, until Castle was in a better condition she wouldn't leave his immediate side.

The only comfort she could find was in her own voice. As she caressed his hair with her hands, she murmured words of comfort to bother herself and Castle.

'You and I? We've overcome bigger obstacles than this. There have been so many obstacles in our lives, it's a wonder we've made it this far. I remember when my apartment was on fire, and you saved my life. I knew from then on that you loved me. I was afraid to admit it myself, but I loved you too Castle. I always have, and I always will. Then there's the freezer. I remember I tried to say that I loved you, but then I must have blacked out. To this day I regret not telling you. But then maybe things would be different. We were given a plan, and now we're making it our own. This is just a hiccup, like all the others we've overcome. It's who we are.'

She felt like she could go on forever. She was admitting things that she didn't even realise herself until now.

Castle's eyes seemed to lull, and they shook before adjusting back to normal.

'Castle? Castle can you hear me?'

'He... dru... he drugged me. He caught me... In the car... An.. And I couldn't do... anything. So... Helpless. I think... It knocked me out... It keeps gi... Giving me fits. Must be... Allergic. Need... Some water... Kate...I lo-'

Before he could finish his eyes closed. His head slouched and rolled of Kate's lap.

'Castle. Don't you dare die on me now. I've come too far to lose everything now. Castle... Cast-'

There was a rattling noise, before a harsh note followed it. Then words.

'I told you that you'd lost. And now, you're both powerless.'

The metal. It was some kind of system. A voice was coming from it, but who or where the signal was coming from she didn't know.

'I'm an NYPD detective. I have friends, a family. People will be looking for me. There's no chance in hell I'm loosing what I have.'

Whether the voice could hear her or not, she did not know, but she wasn't going down without a fight.

'I thought you'd have something to say for yourself detective.'

The voice could hear her response, and was replying.

'But you see, I got you here. I manipulated your thoughts, I manipulated your actions, and I manipulated you. There's nothing you can do that will allow you to win this one.'

The voice was taunting her. It was unfamiliar however. All she could figure out that it was low pitched, that of a man.

Her voice shook as she replied.

'You have no idea who you're up against. I've climbed mountains to become who I am today, and I've done it before, so I'll do it again.'

'You think you've got this all figured out don't you? You think you'll be able to save yourself and your excuse of a husband?'

That was the last shred. Tears fell and it was hopeless trying to stop them.

'He's not my husband, you made sure of that. And now I'm here, he's dying in my arms, and he may go any second. What do you want from me?'

'You don't get it do you? I got what I wanted. You're stuck in a pit. Alone. No supplies. Within days you will be gone. Dead.'

The word rang in her ears. She hadn't began to think how she would survive or make it out. She hadn't eaten in a day, she hadn't drank, hadn't gone to the toilet come to think of it. She was naïve enough the think that she was going to make it out?

'Watch me. You've made it clear you want a fight. The trail? The clues? If you wanted a body you would have killed me in much less time. The planning? The mystery? This is all a game to you. You won't be satisfied with me starving to death. I'm a homicide detective. I know those who hunt, and those who kill. You're in it for more than the death. You don't just want blood, you want the chase. You want the game. And believe me, I will bring the game, right to you. And I will win.'

'Maybe I underestimated you detective. Maybe I won't be satisfied with your death. Maybe I do want more from you? But as for him? He just got in the way. It's not him I want, it's you.'

The sinister tone sent shivers down her spine.

'If you want me, why did you do this to Castle? If it's me you wanted, why not leave him alone. Take me. If it's me you want, it's me you will get. Just please, let Castle live.'

'Thats exactly it. He needs to die. The thing that will destroy you the most would be watching him die. And guess what? It's only a matter of time.'

She could feel the anger raging through the harsh shaking of her body.

'Don't you dare harm him, or anyone I care about. If you do I will see to it personally that it will be the end of you. He is not going to die.'

The voice spoke quieter this time;

'I'd like to see you do something about that. He has 8 hours.'

With that, there was a small crackling, and the voice disappeared.

Castle's body was still slumped on the floor. He had a pulse, but it was weaker than the very first time she felt it.

This couldn't be happening. She'd found him, she was so close.

She sobbed. She put her head on his chest and cried, it was all she could do.

She could think of nothing to do that would help Castle. She felt like she had failed him, failed everyone.

She hadn't even called anyone since the first time. People would be worrying. Martha, Jim, Alexis. Even Lanie, Ryan and Esposito. How she wished she'd done everything differently.

'Kate?'

Castle had spoken again, his voice weak.

'Oh Castle, I-'

'I heard. I only have 8 hours left'


	10. Chapter 10 - the sound of hope

For the first time since being down in the pit, she actually contemplated giving up. 8 hours. She knew there would be some form of antidote somewhere, but that would mean planning and executing something to get them out of the pit and to help.

'Castle, we will make it, together. I've known you for long enough to know that you don't give up fighting for the ones you love. You don't back down. And I'm asking you now, please, don't leave me.'

'Kate. I don't think I can... Hold on for much longer. The... Pain is getting worse. I just need to know... You will... Be... Be okay. I love you.'

'No Castle. This is not the end. For either of us. You were the one that told me overcoming these obstacles is who we are. When we fight, we don't give up.'

'I would give anything... To live with you... Through old age. To see... Our kids. And our... Grandkids. But maybe after all this... Time, the... The world is telling us our game is over.'

'After everything we've been through? You can't give up now. Rick, I was ready to marry you. I'd written vows to you, for better and for worse. This; this is our worst. And I will be with you through it, but you have to hold on. This pain? It will fade, and you'll be stronger. I just need you, okay?'

'Kate. I... I appreciate everything you've done. You've... Made me more than who I'd ever... Hoped to be. I want to hold on... For you. You know... I would do anything for you ...in a heartbeat. But my body... It's not complying. You... You should probably have words... With it in some way.'

She could hear the teasing in his voice even is his declining state. He always made her laugh even at the worst of times.

'Castle. I love you so, so much.'

She pressed a kiss to his lips. She felt the flutter inside her stomach, the kind that young couples get when something new. She hoped it wouldn't be the last time.

'I love you too, Kate. Alw-'

Once again, his eyes rolled, his head dropped, and his muscles went rigid.

She was again down on her knees, by his side, supporting him. The reality kicked in that this may be how Castle spends the rest of his life, whether it be 8 hours or 80 years.

'Castle. Don't worry, babe. I'll be here. We can wait this out, and then we will get ourselves out of this mess.'

If all went as last time, Castle would be in this unconscious state for around 40 minutes, before being in an almost lucid state for a while.

It gave her 40 minutes of thinking time, and 40 minutes of space. She tried to think of trivial things to take her mind off of the pain.

The first thing that came to mind was working out the day. Their wedding was supposed to be May 12th. She remembered falling asleep on the couch in the loft. Then she woke up the next morning and went to the precinct. Following that she drove to Raleigh and slept there for the night. That would be the 13th. It would mean she would have woken up on the 14th to come to the pit. The same day she had a recollection of waking up from an unconscious state, so that would make right now the 15th of May.

This hell had spanned 4 days already. She wasn't sure how much she could take. She feared any more nights like this may induce another episode. She couldn't bear the toll it carried.

In a way, she wishes she had told Castle about it. He may have had some reassuring words for her, or he may have lent her some advice. Even better, he would tell her that it was her imagination.

But she hadn't, and now she couldn't. What she really needed to focus on is how she would get out.

Her mind couldn't focus. She was trapped within narrow barriers, her mind forcing her to relive the horrors that had been received.

No matter how hard she tried, every word she said made her sidetrack, and her train of that's squandered it's way back to the inevitable.

She was trying to concentrate with all the strength she had left, but this just sent her spiralling into another dimension of pain. It made her head sear with pain, and somehow managed to make her scalp injury sting.

The thoughts were overwhelming. They circled the inside of her head, drowning it in remorse, sorrow, and disappointment.

It made her grow more and more tired by the second. As she pondered a solution to the mess, her brain slowly shut down and allowed her to sleep.

When she woke, she noticed things she hadn't before. For the first time she could sense the time of day. She could feel the daylight radiating. By her calculations from the previous night, it was now May 16th. That made it a Friday. She judged it as around 5am.

Another prominent factor she realised was that she hadn't eaten or drank anything in days. Her stomach was sore and her mouth was dry. She had been deprived of everything and it made her angry.

The time.

Castle had 8 hours. She must have been told no earlier than 11pm last night. That meant Castle had made it through 6 hours. It also meant he only had 2 left.

It was now she panicked. An overwhelming sensation came over her, and she tried to wake Castle.

Whilst stroking his face tenderly, and running her fingers through his hair, she tried to coax him out of his sleeping state.

'Rick. C'mon. Wake up. I need you now, you don't need to do anything, just give me a sign.'

In what was only moments, his hand twitched, then moved. It fumbled around for hers, grabbed it and squeezed. It then dropped.

She could tell he knew his time was limited unless they found a way out. He was conserving his energy.

'Thankyou Castle,' she whispered in reply.

She had two hours to secure her future. Never in her life had she felt as much fear, pressure, and determination as she had now. In all previous encounters she had been fighting for herself, but this time, it was for both her and Castle.

She heard something. A noise.

It seemed to come from above. It was the first sound from the outside world she had heard. It seemed foreign, unfamiliar. It was the low voices of two people. It sounded like a man and a women.

They were out early, but she didn't care. This was her way out. Without realising, they may have just saved the lives of two people.

She did what she had been waiting to do the whole time.

'HELP. SOMEBODY. PLEASE HELP US.'


	11. Chapter 11 - fade to black

'IF YOU'RE OUT THERE, IF ANYONE AT ALL CAN HEAR ME PLEASE RESPOND.'

No response. She knew she heard something, she wasn't imagining things. Now more than ever she needed to be right.

'WE'RE DOWN HERE. PLEASE. WE REALLY NEED HELP.'

She was beginning to give up hope. It was no use, everything was crumbling, falling down around her and it felt as if she was the only thing left standing. Except in reality she wasn't. She was just as broken, just as many pieces of her were breaking off. Yet her remains stood in ruins. Weak and fragile, yet structural. It was more of a need; to be able to stand upright rather than fall to the ground. Or at least that's what she told herself.

Then, the unimaginable happened.

'I HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR. ARE YOU OKAY? HOW CAN I HELP?'

A voice. A reply. Someone was there. It was the happiest she had been in a long time. Castle still had a couple of hours, and hopefully everything would turn out okay. Hopefully.

'YES. I'M A DETECTIVE. MY PARTNER IS DOWN. IS THERE ANY WAY YOU COULD HELP US?'

An idea came to her in an instant.

'THE PULLEY SYSTEM. YOU SEE THE MECHANISM WITH THE ROPE ATTACHED?'

How had she not thought of this before? The voice from above replied.

'YES. ITS KIND OF STIFF. IT COULD TAKE A WHILE. HOW DID YOU GET DOW-'

'NOW IS NOT THE TIME. MY PARTNERS IN CRITICAL CONDITION. THIS REALLY NEEDS TO HAPPEN QUICKLY.'

She realised she had sounded slightly too harsh. But she'd been in this state for days, it was no surprise.

In only moments, she could hear the creak of the mechanism lowering the cradle nearer and nearer, until she heard it thud and hit the pit floor.

'Castle. I think this is it. I think we can actually make it out of this together.'

She had bent down, and was stroking his head with her hand.

'If you can just let me lift you to the cradle, we can be out of here. We are going to get our wedding, and we will get our kids... And hell, even our grandkids.'

He wasn't responding. Time was critical now. Only having two hours meant his body was getting weaker. If they had any hope of making it, things needed to begin moving.

The voice from above came again.

'IS EVERYTHING OKAY? CAN I LIFT IT UP YET?'

'NOT YET. BUT THANKYOU, FOR THIS. JUST WAIT A LITTLE LONGER.'

It was now or never, quite literally.

'Rick, I love you' she said bending down to press a soft kiss to his lips. 'We can do this. I will be here the whole time. I will not leave. Please.'

It was as if her words were a switch. His arms twitched, and his eyes fluttered open. Kate felt this was the go ahead she needed, so on her count, she worked his body up onto the cradle.

Luckily her eyes had adjusted to the dim lighting of the pit, and she could see the cradle was just big enough for the both of them, and with any lucky it would carry their weight successfully.

As she positioned him on the cradle, she then too sat on it, and called up for the last time.

'WE'RE READY. YOU CAN BRING IT UP.'

Slowly but surely, the cradle lifted up off the floor. It shook, it's old rope and mechanism clearly weak, but seemingly coping with the job in hand.

As the cradle moved slowly upwards, Kate felt the brushing of Castle's hand against hers.

'Kate? Thankyou... For... Everything.'

His eyes closed, his hand went limp, and his body began to shake.

This couldn't be happening. Not now. Not when they were so close. She knew he had little time, but once they were out she would get him to hospital and he could get the antibiotics he needed. It wasn't supposed to be ending.

Yet there was nothing she could do. His weak body shook continually, and she rested a hand on his forearm trying to steady him.

'Castle. Just hold on. One last time.'

They were at the top of the pit, and the daylight was blinding. She blinked a few times to adjust, before she could see the person who saved her life.

She owed everything to him, but she couldn't conjugate a sentence to thank him. All she could think about was saving Castle.

'Please. Call 911. It's urgent. My partner has less than 2 hours left, he's fitting. He's been in and out of subconsciousness for days now. No food no water. And hurry. Please.'

She couldn't take her eyes off of Castle. She refused to let go, to even leave his side.

Once she heard the 911 call had been put through and was satisfied, she called the stranger over.

'I cannot ever thank you enough, but right now, this is your problem too. And together, we are going to save this mans life.'

'Yes ma'am.'

It was only now she took in his features. He must have been only 18. He wore sports gear, specifically running. He was only out for a run. And he had come across two strangers abandoned. Now he knew she was a detective he was almost afraid. He hung to her every last word, followed her every move.

'It's Kate. And this, this is Rick.'

'I'm Ben. I just graduated, I'm actually going into law enforcement.'

'Well Ben. We need to get him somewhere with softer ground while we wait. How long till the ambulance gets here?'

'Around 4 minutes ma- I mean Kate.'

'Okay. I need you to check his pulse for me. Check just to the left of his neck.'

'He's got one. Weak but it's there. I'm so sorr-'

'Please don't. I'm sorry, but this has been tough. I'm not ready just now.'

'Sorry.'

'Don't be. You were the answer to my worst nightmare. You saved me. You saved us.'

She stroked Castle's hair. Tears rolled, and for once, she didn't care.

They fell and dropped onto the white of his shirt. They fell heavier when she realised he was still in his wedding outfit. It released a chasm of emotions, which she wasn't ready for.

Luckily she didn't have to be. She could hear the wail of a siren approaching nearer. Within seconds it was directly behind her.

Two paramedics dresses in a dark shade of green jumped out of the ambulance doors and headed straight for where they saw the limp body.

'We'll take it from here miss. Can you explain the situation again.'

'Constant fits. Suffering multiple injuries. Lack of food and drink for around 3 days now. Been given some kind of drug. That's all I know. I just-'

'That looks like a nasty head injury. Can I take a loo-'

'No.' She pushed away the arm that reached forwards to examine her head. She's lasted with the injury for days, and she wasn't leaving Castle's side no matter what.

'I'm fine. I've been conscious, talking, breathing fine. It's him I'm worried about.'

'We will do everything we can. By the looks of things it's a mild reaction to the drugs. Nothing we can't clear up, but we will have a better picture once we're back at the hospital.'

'Wait. Listen I'm a detective. He was kidnapped. I was pushed down there after finding him. The kidnapper, his voice, he communicated through some kind of metal device he installed down there. He told us that Castle only has hours to live.'

'How many hours?'

'8. Well that was around 6 and a half hours ago.'

The paramedics exchanged glances, before one brought out a radio from a pocket in her jacket.

'This is a 142 coming in from Dealao Drive. We have multiple injuries. One female, head lacs. Talking. One male, many lacerations. Possible forced overdose. Been told may only have 1 and a half hours left. Prepare an OR as soon as possible.'

Hearing the paramedics talk made her increasingly more anxious. Her grip on Castle's limp hand tightened, and she closed her eyes tightly, trying to stop the tears.

The stranger, Ben, was looking around the scene. Eyes wide, he looked lost, like he didn't know what to do.

She didn't have the power to say anything to him. Every inch of her body ached, and suddenly she felt increasingly dizzy.

In an instant, she was down on the ground. Her head hit the ground first, and the rest of her body followed.

Her eyes closed and she felt the world slowly black out around her.


	12. Chapter 12 - the need to fight

She woke up to the sound of a siren. Lying in a stretcher, her head felt heavy, and everything seemed disorientated.

Then she remembered.

'Oh god, Castle. I'm so so sorry. We should never have been in this mess.'

Castle was lying on a stretcher to the left of Kate, and they were in the back of an ambulance. As she tried to move, the paramedic also seated in the back seemed to think otherwise of her decision.

'Miss Beckett. Please stay as you are. Your body entered shock when the conditions it came into were so different to the ones you'd been used to for the past couple of days. Everything will feel heavy, but I assure you, with medication it will be gone by tomorrow. Just please stay there.'

The tone in the paramedics voice seemed to beg, so she did as she was told. It didn't stop her curiosity, however.

'Castle. Rick, is he okay?'

'Its hard to say at this point in time. If what you've told us is correct, he has all of 1 hour left unless he's treated. Without knowing what he's been given, it's hard to know the drugs needed. At this point in time, he's in critical condition, but there is hope.'

But they were out of the pit. The pain was supposed to be gone. Yet it just kept hitting harder and harder.

She needed to hear a reassuring voice. Someone to ground her. She couldn't face hearing her dad's voice just yet, and she couldn't bear to speak to Martha until she knew exactly what to tell her about Castle's condition. She knew exactly who she was going to call.

'You don't happen to have a phone I can borrow? Mine got broken in the fall, and I need to make a quick call to someone. Please.'

Surprisingly, the paramedic handed her a mobile. Taking it in her hands, she noticed familiar dents in it.

It was Castle's.

'Where? Where did you get this?'

'It was in his pocket. When we got him onto the stretcher we emptied his belongings into a bag. We checked, and you're listed as one of his next-of-kins so legally I can give you the contents of this bag.'

His phone was in his pocket the whole time. She hadn't even thought to look. She could have called someone days before any of the mess got any bigger. But everything had just taken it's toll on her and she'd become clumsy. She'd forgotten things she wouldn't usually forget. And it may have cost her a life.

She dialled a number. It came naturally to her fingers, and this made her happy.

'Hey. Espo. It's me. I'm sorry, about everything. I shouldn't have gone. But I knew if I told you, you would have kept me away from it. But I couldn't stay away.'

She didn't know why she was justifying her actions, but it seemed to take precedence.

'Can you call Ryan over too?'

She knew after there was no wedding, and both Castle and Beckett had gone, that Esposito and Ryan would spend every waking minute at the precinct in order to help them. They were a family, a unit, and if one went down, so did the rest.

When she heard Espo call Ryan over, she began to speak again.

'Look. It's Castle. He was kidnapped, left in a pit. Drugged. The man who did it, he pushed me down there too. He contacted us through a metal device in the wall of this pit. He said he wanted me, and Castle was just in the way. He have Castle 8 hours to live, 7 hours ago. He only has an hour. I don't think I can do this alone. Please can you explain to Martha, and Alexis. I'll text you everything.'

She was close to tears, but refused to let them fall.

'Do you even need to ask Beckett?' Ryan asked.

'I knew I could count on you. And one more thing? Catch the son of a bitch who did this.'

Ending the call, she texted every detail she could remember to both Ryan and Esposito's mobiles.

When she sent them the information, she felt the weight on her shoulders lift slightly. It gave her a chance to focus on the next matter at hand.

Reaching a hand out of the stretcher she was in, she fumbled looking for Castle's hand. She found it and clasped it tight.

'Castle? This isn't the end. This is just another obstacle. When you talked about obstacles before, I thought what else could be thrown infront of us? Well I guess this was the answer. But we've done it before, so we can do it again. It's who we are, and it's why I fell in love with you. Just hold on.'

Her heart ached for the feel Castle's hand as it squeezed hers, to encompass it with more strength. But despite her longing, his hand remained limp and lifeless in hers.

She couldn't even feel a twitch. There was no movement, no acknowledgement.

He'd done it before, why couldn't he do it again? Every fibre in her body strove to feel his warmth, his touch. But it was no use.

'How long to the nearest hospital?'

'Current traffic looks like only about 2 minutes.'

Her head tried to make sense of everything, but the lingering cloud of fear masked everything other thought. She had been guessing how long Castle had left, ever since she was told. There was no physical proof of when she was told, and when the 8 hours would end. It was purely speculation. It meant that even 1 minute would make all the difference.

'Listen. I had no way of telling down there how much time had actually passed. If Castle had 8 hours left, my judgement is a weak indicator. We need to move now.'

'Listen we're doing everything we can but-'

'But it's not enough. Listen to me now. That's my fiancé. It was our wedding day. He was kidnapped on the day I was going to give my life to him. I am not going to lose him, so you better get him to a hospital quickly, and save his life.'

There was no reply from the paramedic, only a grim look of determination.

He called to the other paramedic telling him to speed things up if at all possible. She felt the ambulance accelerate, and the vehicle move faster.

She clung to the small thread of hope that was keeping her held together. Once she let go, she would go spiralling down, until she hit the bottom. It was what was keeping her sane, keeping her safe.

The ambulance hadn't even arrived at the hospital, and already she couldn't notice that Castle's hand was getting colder by the second. He was nearer the end of his time than the start of it.

The paramedic judged the look of panic in her eye, and decided to signal to his partner to do whatever it takes.

The motion of the ambulance was finally at the speed in which she had wanted all along. They would be there in no time and everything would be okay.

She felt the ambulance come to rest and the paramedic got up and opened the two wide back doors of the vehicle. Her stretcher was moved out first.

'Female. 34. Katherine Beckett. Blood work and stats normal. Blood pressure elevated. Pushed 1cc of beta blockers. Few head lacs need dressing. Breath sounds normal, heart rate 70bpm. Keep in for monitoring.'

She heard the wheeling out of Castle's stretcher behind hers, and his observations were given.

'Male. 43. Richard Castle. Blood work contains foreign bodies. Further obs needed. Pushed 1cc of morphine. Many injuries, possibly internal. Lacs need dressing. Breath sounds weak, heart rate 20- wait. There's no pulse.'

Three words and her heart felt as though it would rip out of her chest. She wanted to scream, but no words came out. The pain seared through every vein in her body and her heart pounded against her ribcage.

'Wheel him inside stay and set up a defib cart. There's no way he's going down without a fight.'


	13. Chapter 13 - the need for optimism

'Male. Lost pulse about 3 minutes ago. Charge to 20. And go.'

She watched as they put the paddles on his chest and shocked his heart. Nothing.

'Charge to 40. And go.'

Castle's body lurched up again, but when it was back down on the table, he remained without pulse.

Her heart felt like it was going to collapse. She could barely function without him by her side. He had to pull through, he had to.

The doctors exchanged similar looks on their faces, and she noticed them. It didn't look hopeful.

'Charge to 100.'

As the paddles touched his chest, his whole body lifted up before coming to rest on the table once more. Then, a faint line appeared on the machine beside him.

'We have a pulse, but it's weak. Heart is pumping, breath sounds weak. Move to ICU and put on a ventilator. Half-hourly monitoring, pushing correct vitals.'

Her heart leapt. He had a pulse. He had a heartbeat. It was as if both her and Castle were controlled by one heart, as she felt her heart rate slowing and calming down too.

They wheeled his cart to a private Intensive Care Unit room, and began attaching various cables and tubes to his body.

She didn't even ask to be wheeled in behind him, it was as if they knew her. As if they knew she would never leave his side.

Once the doctors had left Castle's bedside, they once again checked his vitals before telling her they would be back in around half an hour to check on his progress.

They'd said they had found in a tox-screen that Castle had been drugged with a strong dose of Morphine. It had made him tired and unresponsive, and also have decreased breath sounds. They said that they'd administered Naloxone, a drug to counteract the morphines effects, and it had been successful.

Because his body had been unresponsive for so long, it was now just a case of waiting or him to wake up.

This fact was supposed to cheer her up and make her feel better, yet it just felt like an extra weight. 'If he woke up' were the words that rang in her ears. What if he didn't?

They said talking would help. She'd been given the all clear herself, and told to take painkillers twice a day for a week. Her lacerations had been treated and she was deemed stable enough to leave. She refused and demanded to stay by Castle's side. As he was in such a critical condition, she was allowed to, as he might sense the company.

He couldn't respond, couldn't speak or move, but his heart was beating. He wasn't breathing on his own, but they said his body was too weak, and the drugs effects were still making their way out of his body.

She resorted to talking to him. Just to let him know she was there, and that she wasn't going anywhere.

'Babe, we did it. We made it out of that hell. And we're both alive. They have you on antibiotics to counteract the drugs that were in your system. Castle, we're gonna make it.'

She reached for his hand. She twirled the engagement ring on his finger. It was almost going to be a wedding ring. Almost.

'I know we didn't get our wedding. But it means that next time it will be perfect. No messing around, no last minute decisions. It will be us. I was so scared, about saying my vows. Infront of everyone, I was petrified. But then I thought of you, your face. The way your hair has that cute flick at the front. The way your eyes are so blue, so memorising. And I was just going to stare into them, and get lost. Then everything I said would be straight from my heart, and directed straight towards you. In truth, I hadn't prepared much. I was going to look at you and words were going to form. I knew that nothing I wrote would ever compare to what you could write for me, so I was going to speak from within.'

Tears stung her face as they trickled down her cheeks.

'Castle. I was ready to give my life to you. I was ready to make you my husband. Martha, she gave me some earrings. They'd been passed down through generations. She hadn't given them to either Gina or Meredith. But she gave them to me. I just got justice for my mother, and I was at peace that she would be happy for me, that she would be watching me, from where she is. And when Martha gave me those earrings, it was like a second chance. I knew it would never be the same as my own mother, but Castle, it felt real, like it meant something.'

Saying these things not only made her miss her mother, but it made the longing for Castle to survive this even stronger.

'Castle. It made me realise how much you really are my family. You are who I have now. Me and my dad, we have you. And I don't think I could go on without you. Watching the doctors put the paddles on your chest, it felt as if your heart was also in my chest. As if I could feel the pain jolting through me every time they shocked you. I've never given more of myself to anyone, than I have to you, and I'm not ready to let that go.'

She didn't know how long she had been pouring her heart out, but something inside her head told her that although Castle couldn't respond, he could still hear her. So she continued.

'We survived this. Every odd was against us, yet we came through it. When I was in the pit, I thought to myself how could I bring children into a world like this? But then I look at you, and I know that you will let nothing hurt them. You will be their everything, and I can't imagine not having children with you. I want a life with you Castle, so much. And when we're out of here, that begins. I love you, so much.'

Through both tears and words, she must have passed half an hour, because shortly after she finished speaking, a doctor appeared.

'Miss Beckett? Are you okay?'

She didn't realise her tears had left such obvious marks on her face. Reaching a hand up to her cheek she wiped off the remaining tears.

'Yes, I'm fine thankyou. Castle? Is he still doing okay?'

'Thats what I've just come to check on. Give me a few minutes and I can explain.'

The doctor began adjusting tubes and taking various readings off different monitors and screens. Within minutes, she seemed to stop looking around. Her face stared at the screen, her eyes unmoving.

She reached for a pager in her pocket and paged another doctor who appeared shortly.

'Please. Tell me what's happening to him.'

The doctors exchanged knowing glances, before the more senior one began speaking.

'Its still too soon to say when he will wake up. Keeping this in mind however, we typically expect a few more responses or increased level of recovery by now. His vitals haven't changed, and his heart beat is still weak. At this rate, his body doesn't look as though it's going to recover anytime soon, if at all. I'm making no judgements just yet, but I'd say if you have family, you should call them, and let them know. There is still time for him to pull through, and we are all hopeful, but to be on the safe side, make some calls. At this point in time he needs to know there are people around him who care. We will be back in another half an hour to check again, but remain optimistic.'

Let the family know.

She was a cop, she'd visited places like this enough. Those four words were never welcoming. And being put in the cross hairs, she realised how devastating they could be.


	14. Chapter 14 - support

The words still rang in her ears. It was like they were mocking her, torturing her. Hadn't she been through enough?

It was eating her alive knowing she would actually have to call Martha. Yes Epsosito and Ryan had somewhat handled it, but nothing to this extent.

She wasn't one to back down though, so she knew she would have to face it. It was her fight, so she would see it put to rest.

She picked up her phone, and went to dial Martha's number. She couldn't bring herself to do it. It was as if her hands were frozen. They wouldn't type the number in.

She realised it was because she couldn't bare to speak to her over the phone. She knew trying to explain why she would have to come in would make her tear up.

Instead she decided to dial Esposito and and Ryan, who would then in turn tell Martha and Alexis. She'd typed all but one number in when her hands froze again. This wasn't her. She couldn't shy away from Martha and Alexis, they were her family. It wasn't who she was to give up. She had to call them, and she had to do this to prove to herself she was completely dedicated to the life she so desperately desired.

Once again her fingers trailed along the keyboard typing in Martha's number. She dialled.

'Martha? It's Kate. Yes, I'm fine thankyou. It's just... I'm at the hospital. I'm sure Esposito let you know. I'm calling because I think you should probably come in now. Castle... Rick needs some company right now. It's complicated, but I really think you should come in, then I can explain it fully. I owe it to you Martha. Okay, thankyou.'

She hung up just after Martha did. She had managed to refrain from tears while speaking to Martha, she was proud. But then it all became too much, and they spilt out.

'Castle. That was your mother. She and Alexis, they're coming to see you. You're in this mess, and I can't help but feeling responsible. If I hadn't been so stupid when I was younger, we wouldn't have had to chase Rogan. We would have had our wedding exactly where we chose it. You wouldn't have been delivering the papers and getting the licence alone, we would be together. This, it just all feels like my fault. Martha and Alexis, you're their world. They don't deserve this. We were supposed to be extraordinary together, yet it's like Every time we get close it just falls further apart. Every time we think we have made it something gets in our way. And I'm tired, I'm tired of things keeping us apart, almost killing us. I've faced death too many times to see this end. And seeing you like this, it just reminds me of everything we've been through. You need to get better, you need to pull through. We need to get past this stage, so that we can live life our way. Castle, I can't let the person who did this go, but at the same time I can't let it consume me like my mothers case did. Ryan and Esposito and Gates and the precinct? They've been working this case, for us. And I promise you they will catch the guy, and we will get justice. But it's not just our fight, it's everyone's. We're fighting as one. So when you're ready, we can move on, and we can live the life we deserve. Because I love you, so much, and I would do anything to spend the rest of my life with you.'

She'd been curled up on his chest as she was speaking to him. She was putting her hands through his soft hair as she offered up her emotions too him. She felt comfort with her head on his chest, she could feel his heartbeat. It wasn't strong, but it was there, and it was enough. For now.

Soon after, she heard a knock at the door. She could see Martha with an elegant hand pressed against the door, while the other was around the back of Alexis.

Both looked exhausted, anxious, and scared.

'Oh dear. You both worried us sick. Kate darling, are you okay? Have you been crying? If I know you, you're blaming yourself. But dear, Richard and you are adults, and you implemented none of this upon each other. None of it was your fault. You just need a little hope.'

She moved off of Castle's chest, to make space for Alexis and Martha to see him.

'Dad?' Alexis ran to Castle's bedside and grabbed his hand with her smaller one. 'I was so worried. You were gone and then Kate left and with both of you missing I was making the worst out of the situation. But you're here, and it's all I could ask for. I love you, Dad.'

Martha gazed sympathetically at Alexis, they both seemed in a daze. As if nothing was real. She wished it was a dream. She longed for the nightmare to be over.

As shewalked away from the bed, Martha walked towards it and placed a gentle hand on her arm. Martha gestured for her to stay by the bedside too.

Martha too reached for Castle's other hand.

'Oh kiddo, I was worried sick. But seeing you, it made me realise what a wonderful life I have, and I really don't want to lose it. Make it through this, for me Richard.'

Hearing both Martha and Alexis' words made her stomach turn. They hadn't even heard the worst of it.

She debated how to tell them, how to gain the courage to tell them what the doctor had told her. What was she supposed to say? How was she supposed to say it?

It made her heart sink. Castle had been the centre of their universe for years, and now it may change forever. They didn't know his life was handing in the balance. They didn't know.

Every time she tried to speak, her throat burned, sending flames around her body. It was urging her to stay silent, almost like a warning.

Every time she tried to take a deep breath her lungs stiffened and refused to allowed air in.

Her body was drowning her in fear.

'Martha. Alexis.'

She managed two words, she could manage the rest. Her body fought, but her mind was stronger.

'It's Rick. He was drugged, morphine. He was... He was given 8 hours to live. When they got him here, his heart stopped. They had to shock him, 3 times...'

Both Martha and Alexis' faces went white. They looked as if they were about to faint. Martha took a chair round to Alexis, and together they sat down, holding Castle's one hand between both of theirs.

'They managed to get a pulse. It's weak, but he has one. But his body, it wasn't strong enough. They attached cables, tubes ventilators. He is only breathing through the tubes. They said that he was supposed to wake up. He was put down to have half hourly checks. When they came in... They said that his vitals, they were weak.'

She got a lump in her throat just thinking about the things the doctors had said to her, and how she would have to repeat them.

'They said that usually, they should be stronger. He should be more responsive. They said when it looks like this... That the families should come in to see him. They could swing either way. They said to prepare.'

If she thought Martha and Alexis looked pale before, their new pallor was no comparison. They were ghostly white.

'But Dad? He's here. He was given a drug to reverse the affects of the Morphine. How could it go wrong? It's not fair, he has his life ahead of him!'

Martha took a somewhat different approach to watch. She didn't grieve, she didn't contemplate Castle's life.

'Oh darling. Come here. I can't imagine how this must feel to you.'

Martha pulled her in for a hug. Both their bodies were weak, but it was contact enough to remind them of what was possible.

'You know, when Richard told me he was going to propose, I knew that it was the best decision he had ever made. For 5 years I had heard him speak of you in every tone possible. But the only one I could tell he really felt, even when he was angry with you, was love. He always loved you Kate, and he always will. He will pull through this, for you.'

The warmth that Martha's words brought her were comforting. She knew Martha meant them sincerely, and this fact alone kept her going.

'But Martha. What if... What if it doesn't happen. What if he doesn't ma-'

'Now, this is Richard. If I know my son, he can hear us, and he wishing he could say a million things to you right now. He is fighting, and you should be to. You will make it through this, the both of you.'

She appreciated everything that Martha said. She would never again believe Castle when he said his mother doled out foolish wit. Martha was smart, and this showed as she spoke to her.

Another half hour had obviously passed, as two doctors made their way back into the room.

'Miss Beckett. I see you began making calls.'

'Yes. This is Martha Rodgers, his mother. And this is Alexis Castle, his daughter.'

Both Martha and Alexis looked at the doctors with pleading faces. They longed to hear good news.

But so did she. Her body had ached for it ever since Castle went missing. Every piece of good news she heard seemed to deteriorate in front of her, and she couldn't let that happen to Martha and Alexis.

After the doctors took vitals and other readings, they looked around at the other three people in the room.

'His vitals are stable. They haven't improved, but they are stable. Usually stability should be a comfort, but as time goes on, this stability just tells us he will be in this state for months, years, or maybe for the rest of his life. Life support lasts for as long as the family wishes, so I suggest you begin drawing up some plans. If he improves, then it can be removed, but it's advisable to have it as a back up option. We will give you some time to think about it and come back in half an hour.'

The doctors left the room and she heard the sound of crying. It was Alexis. Tears ran down the red-head's pale face, and Martha went over and hugged her in a warming embrace.

She made her way back over to Castle's body and placed a soft kiss to the back of his hand.

Those two words had hit harder than any of the previous words they had said. And that was a lot. She had to consider something the had never ever dreamed of.

Castle had to be put on life support.


	15. Chapter 15 - decisions

The doctors came back, and in their hands they brought clipboards with paper attached. It looked multiple sheets thick, and the thought of having to sign Castle's life away on a piece of paper crushed her.

Martha and Alexis both looked up as they could evidently hear the sound of the doctors approaching also.

'I know it's difficult, but to give Mr. Castle the best possible life from now on, these decisions need to be made. It can be tough, but you need to know you're doing it for the right reasons. You also need to know there is still hope. There is still a chance that he could wake up from this. But there's also a chance that he might not, and you need to be prepared for both.'

She didn't think she could prepare for anything. Her mental state was deteriorating at the thought of losing Castle and she feared that she would have a breakdown in front of everyone. Right now it was the last thing she needed.

'Im giving you some guidelines before I leave you to make the decisions. Typically after 50 days, if the patient still cannot breathe on their own, then it's the end. With this in mind, 50 days is the most common length of time people chose to set their end of life care at. Mr. Castle still has brain activity, he has done since his heart began beating again, but it doesn't show any signs of response yet. As it is active, there is always a chance, but that's another consideration you have to take into account. You should know he will feel no pain for the duration. You should also know that it's incredibly likely he can hear things, he just cannot respond. So continual conversation and physical contact like hand holding is advisable so he has something to hold on to. With all this in mind, it's time for you to make these decisions. I'll be back in around half an hour for his next check up. And I do apologise, things like this are tough, but there is always a way to make it through.'

A way to make it through sounded very unlikely to her at this point. Almost every fibre in her body had given up trying, and the thread that was holding her together was wearing thin.

The doctor had placed the forms on the table that laid at the end of Castle's hospital bed. She looked at them, but couldn't bare to pick them up, she couldn't handle it. She couldn't do it alone.

Martha seemed to sense this, and being the mother figure she was, she took the situation in hand under her control.

'Alexis darling, it will be okay. If I know your father he is waiting for the right time to make it out so it "fits his story". Everything is a story with him and if he's himself then he's making himself apart of it right now.'

Martha's words never ceased to stop amazing her. They always made the best out of a bad situation. She knew where Castle got his talent from. It radiated of Martha, and off Castle too.

'Katherine darling. I know just how much all of this feels right now. Losing someone is one of the hardest things a person has to face. But you're not alone. You have me, and Alexis and your father. Right now, we will make this decision, and we will do it together.'

Yet again, when her words failed her, someone else's saved her. It had always been Castle. It was his words that got her through her mothers death, got her through multiple episodes. And when Castle couldn't be there, Martha assumed his position, and filled it almost perfectly.

Almost.

Despite how remarkably similar her words came over, there was one difference. They weren't Castles.

It was silly, but it was true, nothing compared.

'Thankyou Martha. So much.'

She didn't know how she would make it through filling in these forms, but she had do try.

'These documents say that when Richard first wrote up his health care agreements, he left me in charge if he was unable to make the decisions for himself. This means that I can make the decisions for myself, or appoint someone else to do them with me. Katherine, I think he would want you to be directly involved in this. Can I write your name down as the other caregiver?'

It was a choice she never thought she would have to make without him. She thought she would be able to write a will with Castle that would ensure they spent a fruitful life together, not writing a health agreement with his family that may be ending his life.

'Yes. I think he would have wanted that.'

It was the first question but already her eyes were watering. She sat down on the seat on the opposite side of the bed that Martha and Alexis were residing.

'Gram? I know my dad, and he would want all of us to decide. We are the three people that mean most to him. I know you might think that this is too much for me, but he's my dad. I can't give up on him now, so I'm willing. I will help with the decisions too. I'm not going to be a caregiver, but I'm going to input my ideas. I couldn't do anything less.'

She shot an affectionate look at Alexis. Alexis was the closest thing she had to a daughter, and she could see how much Castle's children loved him. She hoped she would get the chance to give him another child, and another bought of happiness.

'Thankyou Alexis. You and Martha have known him longer for me. I think we can do this.'

Alexis sent a weak smile back. She could tell the girl meant it genuinely, she just didn't have the strength for anything more.

'Next question. If the patient stops breathing, do they wish to be resuscitated?'

Castle had a family. He had the chance of a wife, children, grandchildren. She couldn't allow Castle to have a DNR on record. He had to fight, he had to make it through.

'Dad isn't a quitter.'

'I agree with Alexis. He has always fought for something. And it's when he comes to family that he fights the hardest. He would want to be resuscitated. He would want a chance.'

Martha seemingly agreed, as she wrote down their decision.

All three had tears in her eyes, but not one was willing to let them fall just yet.

'Does the patient wish to remain on ventilation in a hospital, or at home?'

The decision was 50/50. Being at home meant that there was comfort, there was familiarity. But it also seemed as though they were signing away his life, rather than trying to sustain it. Being at hospital meant that there was medical care at the touch of a button, but it could also be demoralising if the worst happened.

'Castle would want to please us. He wouldn't choose, he would do what we wanted. I think this question is for us. I think if there's a chance, if he beats those odds, then he should remain in hospital.'

'I can bring dad's favourite stuff. Some books, a laptop, anything that might make the room a nicer place. Maybe it will trigger a response.'

Once again Martha did nothing but agree with their decisions. It seemed as though she couldn't decide the fate of her son by herself. No one should have to.

'How will the patients care be paid for?'

It was almost enough to make them laugh. Almost.

This time it was Martha that answered.

'I think we all know that this isn't a problem. We will have insurance, and we have enough for good care.'

She knew what Martha meant by good care. She meant a good send off.

This made her cave. She was the first to spill her tears. One droplet made it's way down her cheek, and she could taste the bitterness of it in her mouth.

It was enough to make both Martha and Alexis realise just how devastating the situation was. Within minutes, they all had silent tears cascading their way down their broken faces.

'Is there a medical professional that you request to tend to the patients care within the time in hospital?'

Something inside her triggered a completely uncalled for reaction. She felt a smirk on her face.

'Kate? Why are you smiling?'

Alexis seemingly noticed.

'Its just...'

How was she going to explain it?

'Im just imagining Castle's face. You remember Josh? Josh Davidson. Castle hated him. Now would be the time Castle would make a joke about him, about if he was assigned to his care.'

It sounded stupid. Ridiculous even. Why was she thinking about him now? It was out of spite. If she had never been with him, then maybe her and Castle would have got together sooner. Maybe this would never have happened.

'Im sorry, that was irrelevant. It's just so Castle. And thinking about what he would say, what he would do, it's my only tool right now to help me cope.'

'Darling, it's okay. I know you've had your fair share of grief, and this is beyond expected for anyone to go through again. You need to relax. Richard is grateful for everything you have given him, now is not the time to be regretful.'

Martha was right, and she knew it. Sometimes the only way to accept it was to move on.

'I don't think he would specify anyone. He would give the best chance to anyone. As long as they let him spend every moment he wanted with his family, he would have anyone.'

Castle's daughter was so logical, so reasonable, and so right.

Martha sensed this too, and wrote it down.

'Last question. How long do you wish to keep life support going for?'

The hardest question was always reserved till last. It was the one question that actually determined whether Castle would live or die. The one question that hung both survival and death in the balance. The one question that would either help or haunt everyone that made its decision.

'He needs a chance. He needs his time. He is fighting as we speak. He told me that we were handed obstacles as a sign that our love could overcome anything. But this, it seems to big an obstacle. I just can't chose to jump it alone.'

'Richard is a reasonable man. He would want a chance, but he would also want to leave gracefully. Straining things out would exasperate him, and us.'

'Dad would want time, but he wouldn't want too much. He would want to fight, but not to get knocked out. He would want to live, but not by a machine.'

No one could come to a decision. Every other question they had decided on, yet this one seemed unanswerable.

'None of us want to be responsible. None of us want to decide his outcome. How about we do as the doctors say. Then no one is to blame. 50 days.'

Martha spoke for them all.

'50 days.'

She repeated the words in her head. He had his whole life. He had 8 hours. He had 50 days.

Was time running out for him?


	16. Chapter 16 - new hope

From then on everything seemed a blur. She refused to leave Castle's side. So every night she slept in a hospital bed beside him. Some nights she would sleep in the same bed with him just to feel the beat of his heart to reassure her that some things were still there.

By the 5th day, he still hadn't woken. Everyone she could think of had been in. Martha and Alexis religiously came in 3 times a day. Ryan and Esposito came in on alternate days. Lanie had visited on one occasion. Even Gates had appeared for a few minutes one day.

His brain was still active, but his responses were still missing. There was still hope, but it was quickly deteriorating.

She had been getting calls every day from Ryan and Esposito. They were updating her on the case, on the hunt for the son of a bitch who did this to both her and Castle.

They'd had leads, but they lead into dead ends. She refused to let them close the case. This meant so much to her and she wasn't ready to lose it all.

It was today she got the call that she had been waiting for.

Her phone rang and woke her from the sleep she was in. Her head was resting on Castle's chest, and her hair fell clumsily around her face.

'Beckett. What? Really? This is what we've been waiting for. And you're sure it's him? Thankyou, so much.'

It was the first time in five days that her heart had actually felt lighter. They had a lead, a strong lead. They had a case, they had a warrant, they had this.

'Castle? Rick? They've got a lead. I think they're going to get him, finally. They think it was Tyson. All this time, he waited until we were finally getting our happy ending, then he ripped it out from beneath us. They are 90% sure that they can prove this. We might solve this case, and several in our past. This is your story, and it's about to end.'

She felt elated. It warmed her to know how strong the lead was. She felt that it was the best chance there was.

'Castle. They combed the scene by the pit. They found nothing except a partial print. They went round again, and they found the tiniest piece of DNA on a tree about 10 paces away. Then they managed to match it to the print at the scene. It's solid. Then they combed anything near and saw a dark SUV heading away from the pit daily. They did face recognition through the window. There was a shadow, but with enhancements, they found a match. Did you know you can't change a person's eyes? They matched profoundly to Tysons. They have everything they need to convict him. Now they just have to find him.'

Her admittance in the final sentence did lower her optimism.

Just had to find him.

It sounded hard. With Tyson's record, it sounded near impossible. But it was the biggest lead they had had, and she was willing to take it to its limits.

'They are tracking everywhere, and they will find him. So hold on, please. We have solved this, we have our life back, we just need each other.'

She had been in this room for 5 days now. As much as Castle's presence was all she wanted, it was wearing her mind away. She felt weak, tired, deflated.

She needed a sign. There had been no advancements.

He had 45 days left until the plug was pulled. 45 days until it could change everyone's lives. He had 45 days to wake up.

There was so many things she wished she'd said when he'd been able to respond. She longed to have a conversation with him. She longed to hug him. She longed to kiss him, taste him. She longed to make love to him. She longed for him.

She couldn't go on this way for much longer, it was physically and mentally draining.

She heard the door open, and was surprised to see all Martha, Alexis, and the doctor entering together.

Usually both women avoided the doctor because all they brought was bad news. But they entered together, and this gave her hope.

'I have both good and bad news for you Miss Beckett. The good news is that his latest scan shows a little but more brain activity, which gives us a lot of hope. It means we can push more drugs that will heighten his chances of waking up as his body is getting stronger. The bad news, the readings are not 100% accurate. They cannot give the full picture. It means pushing these more heavy drugs will either push Mr Castle to a more speedy recovery, or could make his condition worse. I would advise that in this case, it is probably his best chance, so should be considered.'

He had slightly more brain activity. It was all she needed. In five days he had gained some. In the next five days he may get more. Soon he would be functioning. This glimmer of hope put a small smile on her face.

'If it's okay with his mother and daughter, I'd like to try it. For his sake rather than ours.'

Martha and Alexis nodded their heads in agreement, and the doctor left making arrangements to come back in an hour or so and start boosting his medication.

It was the second hopeful aspect of her day. They had a lead to finally nail Tyson. And Castle had made progress.

She was for once optimistic.

'Martha, if it's alright with you, I'm going to go to the bathroom and freshen up; it's been a while.'

'Oh darling, you don't even need to ask, go. We will be here waiting, and Richard won't be going anywhere!'

The humour was somewhat crude, yet somewhat needed. It showed her that things were improving.

She went to the bathrooms.

Looking in the mirror, she almost didn't recognise the face staring back. It was thinner, her jawbones more prominent. She had dirk circles under her eyes. Her hair fell in strands around her face.

For days she had left it like this out of self pity. But not any more. If they were going to make it out of this better people, she would begin acting differently.

She splashed cold water over her face and it was fresh, welcoming.

She applied a little makeup. A thin line of eyeliner across her upper lid. Some mascara to make her look more awake.

It was only a small change, but it felt like a big leap on her part. She sprayed herself with Castle's favourite perfume. If he could sense anything, she may as well make the most of it.

She looked better. She looked more awake and she hoped that she would feel better from now on.

She had survived 5 days, she could survive many more.

She just wished she didn't have to.


	17. Chapter 17 - waiting

She made her way back to Castle's hospital room. She went with renewed hope. It felt good that there was progress, even if it was only small.

As she approached the room, she could hear the mumblings of both Martha and Alexis talking to Castle. They spoke such soothing words to him and her heart melted. Castle had three women who would do absolutely anything for him, and yet all they wanted him to do was open his eyes and he was unable to.

The irony hurt. Everything he could ever have wished for was sitting in front of him. A loving mother, a wonderful daughter, and he almost had a beautiful wife. But he can't see any of them. He couldn't do anything. He was stuck, paralysed.

Despite this constant thought repeatedly swimming it's way around her head, her mind was more content now. She was happy things were moving forward.

She walked into the room, and Martha and Alexis got up, almost as if they were leaving.

'You don't have to go yet? You've not been here long?'

'Katherine dear, sometimes, less is more. As long as we know he is making progress, that is enough. I hope you get a good sleep, and please, don't worry. It's going to be okay.'

Martha placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. It was comforting. She felt the weight of intelligence, perseverance and love.

'Thankyou Martha. You have made this so much easier, for us all.'

With that Martha and Alexis departed.

She contemplated what she would do now. It was late. And everything was looking up, she didn't want to jeopardise that. So she did the one thing she had been doing every night for the past 5 days now.

'Hey dad? It's me. I'm fine, again. The doctors say there was activity. They say Castle's body is getting stronger. They're trying more drugs, this could be his chance. I know, it's what I've wanted from the start, and I feel like now we may get our happily ever after. And dad? You know you're more than welcome to visit? I know I told you I didn't want you to fuss about me, so I stopped you the first couple of days. But I'm ready, and I think Castle is too. I would really like you to come. Tomorrow maybe? Thankyou. I love you.'

She hung up. Her dad was coming tomorrow. She hadn't wanted him before, she wasn't mentally ready. But now, with this new bought of optimism, she felt as though it was his time.

She fell asleep quickly, the happiness seemingly biding her into a deep slumber.

Everytime she woke up in the hospital bed she felt disorientated for the first few minutes. The surroundings were different. The smell, the feel, it was all different. It was nothing like the loft, or even her apartment, and she missed them both.

Despite this, none of these facts were going to make her reside there without Castle. She was going to stay by side until he was out of this.

It was his sixth day, and they had given Castle the new drugs. If they were successful, the doctors said in about a week then there would be signs of response. Nothing would happen in the next few days. So once again it would be a wait.

But today was different. Her dad was coming, and she wanted to feel ready.

She changed into a fresh set of clothes, and checked her phone. She had a text from Javi.

-Beckett. 1st raid of potential Tyson property. Nada. Have another possible 3, will keep u updated'

'Castle? The first property was a bust. They have another three though. Every single person at that precinct is working their socks of for you. You're gunna have to give them one hell of a reward when you wake up.'

She was getting so used to updating Castle, speaking to him without expecting a response. To start with it was strange, like she was talking to herself. But after a few days, it was second nature.

Minutes later, she heard a knock at the door.

'Katie?'

'Dad!'

She walked over to him and gave him a hug. It was big, and it was embracing. She needed it. She needed the strength and resilience of a man's touch. There was something special about it that reassured her. Her had always had that quality about him.

'Dad. Please sit with me. I'll explain everything.'

A good 30 minutes later, she had explained everything she thought relevant to her dad.

'Oh Katie, I never thought you'd have to go through this again. Not with someone you cared about just as much. When it was finally put to rest with your mother, a piece of me felt complete. I felt the reassurance of your safety. But you were put down that road again, in fact you're still down it, and you shouldn't have to be.'

'Im in a better place. Ryan and Esposito? They've got good leads. They've got strong leads. And I've distanced myself. I haven't dived in and I've stood my ground. I think I can make it through this.'

'I think you can too. If there's anything you do well, it's persevering. You don't give up, you don't back down. And a certain someone over there told me that that, is what makes you extraordinary.'

It bought tears to her eyes. The words of both her fathers and Castle's intertwined. It breathed love and familiarity. And it consumed her. She cried more than she had in days. Whether she felt comfortable in her fathers presence, or whether it was just what was needed, the tears rolled fast.

'You don't need to worry. Richard is an amazing man. I was so worried, but seeing you here with him like this, I know you two are going to make it. Give him my best when he wakes up will you?'

'Aren't you coming back?'

'Of course I will, if you ask. But the phone call I receive from you every night? That is what keeps me going. And that is enough for me. If it's easier for you, it's easier for me.'

'Thankyou dad, I love you.'

'I love you too Katie.'

With that he left the room after patting Castle's shoulder as a gesture of good will.

It felt a whirlwind, the emotions, and it felt like the beginning of something new.

It had been a week now, since they'd administered the new drugs. Since Castle had shown signs of progression. It marked his 13th day in his coma however.

She woke up, with this fact in mind. It was the day when things might finally look up.

The guys back at the precinct had been to another two properties, both a bust. The last one however looked as though it had been vacated in a hurry. With any luck the final one would be the answer. It was now just a waiting game.

The regular people had been and gone, and became a routine for her. She liked the sameness, but ached for something new to happen. Something positive.

The doctor entered just after she had freshened up. He proceeded in taking vitals, doing scans, and checking various monitors.

'Miss Beckett?'

She turned around at the sound of her voice.

'I have the results from this new medical change. The drugs? Although his body is strong enough; they have made no signs of improvement.'

No signs of improvement.

The week of anticipation and hope suddenly fell out from beneath her and left her spiralling for the floor.

'On the other hand, they also haven't been rejected. This in mind, there may well be progress within the next week. If there is nothing in the next week, then I'm afraid that's when we start preparing for the worst. His body is strong enough now, we can see that. It's just whether it wants to wake up.'

She knew that inside that body, Castle would be screaming to wake up and leave with her in his arms and their new chapter of their story.

Yet the reality was so much different.


	18. Chapter 18 - trials

The days passed by slowly. Day after day she would wake, greet the usual people, have the doctors come in to check vitals, and spend the time talking to both herself and Castle.

She got frequent updates from the precinct about the case, they still hadn't proceeded on the last raid. They had to wait, until the right time so they were sure they had him. They refused to let themselves this one, they owed it to both their top detective, and their civilian ride along.

She also got texts every morning from Lanie. Lanie always knew the right thing to say, and it made her smile.

Today was the same as any normal day, except there was one difference. Today was the 20th day, and the day that marked the second push of the drugs. If it didn't work today then they were almost out of hope. It had to be a good day.

As she opened her eyes, she lay quietly for a few minutes. She stared at Castle, or the body that was once Castle. Although she appreciated he was still alive, he was just a body. There was no Castle humour, no funny wit, no nothing. He was alive, but barely.

She knew staring wouldn't help, but she couldn't help it. She noticed things she hadn't taken the time to notice before. The way his mouth creased into a smile every few minutes, even in his deep sleep. The way his eyelashes fluttered every so often in his sleep. Then she noticed the things that she always had. The way his hair framed his face, the way his broad shoulders brooded. And she smiled to herself. She had a wonderful man. She had more than she could ever ask for, yet it was her asking again, for him to wake up.

She heard a buzz. It must be her usual morning text from Lanie.

Reaching down to pick up her phone, she realised just how aching her body was. She had done next to nothing for the past few weeks, yet every bone in her body was tired.

Sitting back up, she switched on the phone and read the message.

-Hey Kate, I know 2day is the day. I'm here 4 u no matter what. If u need to talk just txt me. I'm here x'

Lanie was the perfect best friend. She checked up on you, she offered help and support. She always asked how Castle was, she always knew what was going on. One thing she was proud of in her life was her friends. They were more like family. And she knew they would stay with her through this, and that made her more thankful than anything.

She replied quickly as she felt the need to go and freshen up.

'Im hoping it will work. Thanku, 4 everything x'

Sending the text, she kissed Castle on the forehead before exiting the room. She would be quick, and the doctors weren't getting in for another 30 minutes.

Yet again she splashed water on her face. She looked in better shape than the last time she'd stared in this very mirror. She'd been taking better care of herself in the hope that it may reciprocate upon Castle. It was silly, but it was things like this that kept her going.

She made her way shortly after back to Castle's room and was surprised to find the doctors were already there.

'Ah Miss Beckett. We thought that on a day like this, it was better if we start early. It gives us more leverage and thinking time. So if you don't mind we will check all his vitals and charts now?'

It was now or never. Martha and Alexis said they would only be a phone call away when they were ready, so she called Martha in. It took the doctors a fair few minutes to take the readings and do the calculations, so she expected Martha and Alexis would make it in time to be told the news with her.

'Martha? Yes it's me. They're about to start Castle's tests and take his vitals for today. Can you make it in? Okay, see you in ten minutes. Bye.'

The doctors nodded, and began their work. She always observed what they did. They put various adhesive patches on his body, clearly taking some internal readings. They injected syringes into him, they checked charts, they pushed drugs, they prescribed more. It was all like some fancy process. And more often than not it achieved nothing. So why did they keep going? Did they think he had a chance?

Time passed and she sat watching intently. For 20 days she had seen them doing this very same thing, and she still didn't feel comfortable. She didn't know what they were doing to him, and it scared her.

But she had to tell herself they were only helping. For too long she'd dealt with the wrong kind of people instead of the right, and everything felt like a battle between good and evil. She hoped for Castle's sake that good would win.

There was a knock at the door and Martha and Alexis appeared.

'Just in time. We have the results ready if you would like to know them. Would you like a seat?'

She knew the news was only going to go one way or another with this comment, and she hoped to God that it would be positive.

'As you know we pushed more drugs because of the activity his brain scan showed. And it looked positive. However I'm afraid to tell you that they haven't been successful.'

Her heart felt like it was shattering into a million little pieces. It wasn't a success.

'Obviously, you're going to be fragile now. You are still also allowed your 50 days. There is a chance, a slim chance, that he will wake up in time still. But there's also a chance that he won't. With two failed medication pushes I would say it is more unlikely, so we suggest you review the end of life plan, and possibly change it? At times like this it's better to go in peace than pain. But it's your choice, and whatever you decide, we will support you. There are many reassuring things though, comas like these? It's a guessing game, and it's all about beating the odds.'

Beating the odds. He had overcome so many to get this point, she could only hope they'd be in his favour once again.


	19. Chapter 19 - hope

They decided it was best not to give up. Castle wouldn't want them to give up on him just now. He still had 30 days. He had a month to pull through, they couldn't sell him short.

When the doctor returned, she told him their decision.

'Castle. He's having his 50 days. We've come too far to stop now. His daughter needs him, his mother needs him, I need him. He still has 30 days, and you will keep trying. For him.'

The doctor seemingly accepted the decision, but then began to talk again.

'We don't offer this, it's still being trialled, but there is one final option. It's sort of like radiotherapy. His body would be placed in a sort of chamber, and the conditions would be altered almost as if shocking the body into waking up. It's still only being trialled, but he can be put down for it. It takes place over the course of weeks, so one day a week he would be taken down. It's hoped that after several sessions his body would be more used to its surroundings so it would be more likely to wake up. The only down side is it's a trial, so we are unsure of the total affects. So far there have been no detrimental side affects to test subjects, so I'm free to allow you to sign up knowing the risks. I know it's a lot to take in, but if you want to give it the go ahead, it starts today. Now it takes all day, so it would be one day a week for you to go home and relax knowing he's cared for. I'll come back in 10 minutes if you can make a decision?'

Everything seemed to be speeding ahead. It went from 0 to 90 miles an hour in the space of seconds. The decision couldn't be taken lightly, it was Castle's life. They had to take everything into consideration.

'Katherine? I think if this is the only option, we should go for it. If we don't do this, he's not likely to wake. At least if we try it and it fails, we did everything we could. But the doctor was right, he's beaten the odds before, so he can do it again. I vote for this.'

'But gram? It's only being tested. What if there are side effects we don't know about? What if it fails? What if?'

'Alexis. We need to be optimistic. You know your dad, he's a fighter. Especially for his family. This is our only option, I say we take it. I agree with Martha.'

'If you're both sure, then I think we should.'

Shortly after the decision was made, the doctor returned.

'Look I know things are tough, and things are moving at a fast pace, but it's for the good of the patient, and right now a fast moving process is what he needs. So what were your thoughts.'

'We'd like to do it. He can have this treatment.'

'Okay. I've brought the papers, if you could sign the papers, we can take him up shortly. He won't be due back for another 6 hours, so I suggest going home and retrieving any belongings. Getting freshened up; that sort of thing.'

This was the first time she had considered going home. And with Castle in safe hands it seemed the most welcoming decision in the world. She wasn't leaving his side because he had to be away, she couldn't be in that room with him. And he wasn't in danger, so she took the break.

'Martha, you can sign the papers, and I'll collect our things. If it's alright with you I'd like to come back to the loft? Pick up a few things, get a change of clothes?'

'You don't need to ask darling. It's practically your house too. Go ahead out with Alexis, and I'll meet you in the car park once these forms are signed.'

'Thankyou Martha.'

She gave the woman a quick hug before kissing Castle on his forehead and leaving the room for the car park with Alexis.

They got to the loft in a matter of minutes. On the journey back a thought crossed her. How did she get from Raleigh to New York? She couldn't remember a journey? They must have been taken to a hospital in Raleigh because of Castle's injuries. How did she get to New York? The past few weeks had been a blur, so she resigned to the fact she had probably just forgotten.

They reached parking lot for the loft and she got out of the car, and approached the loft door first. As she entered, the familiar smell of Castle wafted towards her and it made her realise how much she missed even just his scent.

She knew exactly where she was heading. She crossed straight over the living area and went for his office.

Opening the door, she was overwhelmed by just how 'Castle' it was. Everything had his own signature on it in a way, they were things that only he would think of buying.

She sat on the large leather seat that sat in front of the wall painting. Facing the desk, she took in the sight of what was before of her. His laptop, pens, knickknacks.

A photo.

It was of her. She didn't remember him taking it, but she knew exactly when and where it was from. They weren't even together then. She hadn't noticed the frame before, it must have been new. And he'd saved that picture for it. A flutter filled her stomach, and she felt herself blush.

She decided to look for anything else that remotely comforted her. She began opening draws. She came across a lot of things she knew about, and a few she didn't.

She reaches the bottom draw and opens it. There's a large wad of paper in it. Taking it out of the draw, she notices it's a manuscript.

'Raging Heat'

She didn't realise he had finished writing it. She still couldn't believe that this was the sixth novel he'd written about her, it still made her smile thinking about it.

She curled up in the chair, and began to read. She planned to read it all, she had 6 hours, she'd have it done in 4.

It was enticing, thrilling, enthralling and the last thing she remembers before falling asleep were the captivating words of the last sentence of the whole novel.

She woke up to the sound of her phone ringing. With a groggy voice she picked it up and answered.

'Beckett. What? Really? We couldn't have done this without you, thank you so much. This means the world to me, and I'm sure it does to him to. I'll be sure to let him know. Thank Ryan and Gates and the precinct for me too? Okay, bye.'

Tyson had been caught, convicted and had been sentenced to lifetime.


	20. Chapter 20 - endings

She had a quick shower, grabbed the essentials, and sped back to the hospital. She'd been away six hours so now she was ready to come back.

The news had made her insanely happy, it felt like another chance. And one that would change things for the better, instead of worse.

Arriving at the hospital parking lot, she practically ran back to Castle's room. She got there just as he was wheeled back in. He looked no different, but she sure as hell hoped he'd improved.

Sitting down while they wheeled him in behind her, she made no hesitations in asking questions.

'The treatment. Is it showing any signs of working yet?'

No answer.

'Will things start looking up from now or will they be slow changes over the weeks.'

Still nothing.

'Castle. Is he okay?'

'Miss Beckett. While we were in there, we did everything, but his body still wasn't responding. It takes time, it's a continuous process. Don't worry, eventually progress should come. But don't be sad when it doesn't. You know this is only the last resort. So don't expect miracles.'

A miracle was exactly what she needed if she was supposed to handle this for 30 more days.

Once the doctors left she told him everything.

'Castle? Rick? They caught him. It was Tyson, and they caught him. He is never committing another crime again. He's been sentenced to life in a top security prison. No contact, nothing. He made his mistake, and we caught him. Castle, everything is over. You never have to worry again. We will both be safe. You know that memory stick? You know he said we would meet again. He meant it was the duel for death. And he lost. We won this, and you're going to win this battle now. Everything is ours for the holding Rick. And we are going to make it.'

The week passed slowly, and by the time it reached the next day for Castle's radiotherapy. She was grateful, she loved spending the time even just lying next to him, but she needed a break.

She went back to the loft, and retreated to Castle's office again. She turned on his laptop. It was the 27th day since he had been unconscious. Almost 4 weeks. It had felt like a lifetime.

Curled up, she had one of his large hoodies on. The cuffs covered almost the whole of her hand, just the tips of her fingers poked out, and it gave her some sort of enveloping reassurance.

Fingers to the keyboard, she opened his emails. He had so many missed ones. Scrolling through the list for any important ones, she came across the familiar name.

It was his publisher, and after reading the book last week, she was intrigued. Opening it, it read;

-Rick

Final draft was exactly how I imagined. Bet you appreciate my constant nagging now?

I just need a dedication, then it can be published. Send it through soon-

She didn't need to read on. She knew Castle hadn't written one. It would be with his stuff, and it wasn't.

He had written books about her, and everyone had a perfect dedication. She could recite them all word for word.

They were playing through her head as she felt her eyelids fall heavy. Something about the room, the chair made her feel sleepy. She had hours, so she slept again.

Waking up, the time had passed once again and she had to return to the hospital after refreshing.

Returning in plenty of time, she was unsure of what to tell Castle about his book. Should she worry him?

When she entered the hospital room, he must have just got there, as the doctors were just about to leave.

'Once again, no progress, but it's not expected. If it comes, it will come. But his body is holding out, so there is hope.'

The thought of hope was what was pulling her through.

* * *

The next week seemed to pass quicker. Whether it was because she was used to the routine, or because time felt like nothing anymore, the next radiotherapy day came around quicker than expected.

On the morning, she once again kissed Castle on the forehead, and left for the loft.

She headed straight for the office her again. It was her safe haven, the one place she felt most connected to Castle. It was now the 34th day of unconsciousness. She told herself she could handle it, and she fully intended to make the most of her time today.

She opened the laptop again and opened an internet tab. She began researching the therapy that Castle was undertaking.

There were so many articles of the procedure. How many trials and tests were being done. Everything had positive results. It was supposed to warm her heart, yet it stayed cold. They all had such good results, and Castle hadn't improved in the slightest. Was it a losing game?

After 4 hours, she gave up looking, and decided to take a soak in the bath.

Laying in the tub surrounded by bubbles, her mind drifted back to the new Nikki Heat book. It reminded her of when she would sit with a glass of wine in one hand, and book in the other, and read. They were her moments of bliss.

Not anymore. She got out of the bath with a plan in mind. She was going to undertake it, until she realised that it would have been six hours. She knew what she was going to do next time.

Returning to the hospital, she knew what the doctors would have to say, and she was right.

'I know there's no progress, but his body is coping. You just have to wait this out with him.'

The doctors offered no helpful advice, and her heart felt heavy as she realised he only had 16 days left if this state continued.

* * *

The next week dragged. The lack of progress left her feeling demotivated. It had got to the 41st day and there had been no progress. Her mind was telling her to give up. It was her weapon of rationality. It told her someone being unconscious for that long had no hope. But her heart refused to listen. The conflicting emotions consumed her and realisation dawned.

She had to be prepared to say goodbye.

As she watched the doctors wheel Castle down for what could be his penultimate therapy session, she knew exactly what she would do.

Reaching the loft, her path was outlined for her. Sitting down in Castle's office, she grabbed the nearest pen and paper, and wrote.

She lost count of how many times she scribbled it out and tried again. She lost count of how many tears hit the paper. She lost count of how many minutes past.

When she was satisfied with what she had written, she typed up her tear-stained writing and sent it to the appropriate recipient.

Drying her eyes, she realised if this could be one of Castle's last weeks, she had to be happy, instead of dreary for it.

She returned to the hospital and tried to smile as they wheeled him back into his room.

As they once again stated his vacant progress she kept a smile. She kept the smile until she was alone.

'Rick. You've been unconscious for 41 days. You've had so many therapy sessions, but nothing's working. You have 9 days before your end of life care runs out.'

The tears were falling thicker and faster than she'd ever felt them, but she was powerless to stop them.

'Babe, you only have one more therapy session left. One more chance to survive this. And I've been selfless, but I can't do it anymore. Castle, I need you. I can't function without you, I breathe for you, I live for you. If you leave I won't know who I am anymore. I'm not ready for you to leave, you can't leave. I love you more than I have ever loved a man. I just want you.'

She was crying as she fell asleep.

She was crying when she woke up.

* * *

The week felt as though it was claiming her as it's own too. She felt weaker every day, she felt as though she wouldn't survive her own life any longer.

Many people had come in, but she couldn't bring herself to tell them it could be their last time seeing Castle. She couldn't do it. Part of it was fear, but she also clung to hope that he would make it, even now.

It got to the 48th day.

It was the last time they were going to wheel him away from her in this state. It was one of her last possible three with him. And she wasn't ready to leave everything behind.

She kissed him on the lips. She kissed him fiercely, passionately, and even though he couldn't kiss back, she kissed harder than she had before.

From now on not a minute would be wasted.

She left the room at the same time she did, and she made her way to the loft once again.

As she opened the door, something was at her feet in the doorway. A package had been delivered and left in the doorway. It was small, rectangular. Picking it up, she recognised it to be the weight of a book.

Making her way to his office, she opened it. When she was sat down comfortable she ripped the final layer of postage paper off of the package, and it revealed a book.

'Raging Heat'

It was finalised. And it was all she needed right now. She read it all from cover to cover for the second time and was content with what she read.

After 6 hours, she once again headed back to the hospital. Everything felt dire. It felt like the last time she may drive this route, the last time seeing his belongings, the last time seeing him.

He had almost only two days left, and as much as she wanted to feel hopeful, her mind couldn't comply.

It felt like the end.

She had brought the book, and armed with it she got out the car and returned to the hospital room.

She must have been later than usual, because Castle was laid in his bed alone. There were no doctors around, so she decided to wait until his evening checkup for the inevitable news.

She laid in the bed beside him. If this was his 48th day then she had the rest of today, tomorrow, and the next with him. She wasn't ready to let go, she couldn't do it. Tears threatened, so she had to get up to distract her.

Nothing worked, everything reminded her that everything she considered important in her life may be ending.

Tears fell, but she was determined not to let them consume her. But her body thought otherwise, and succumbed to the flow.

She needed to go to the toilets, she needed to calm down.

She kissed his head, and placed the new book in front of him.

'I love you, Rick.'

They were the first words she had spoken to him since returning, and she made her way for the doorway, with the thought that the book was with him, waiting.

As she reached the threshold her mind failed to notice the small, weak voice that whispered her name.

'Kate?'

* * *

_He had heard sounds, and his eyes opened to locate their origin. As they fully adjusted to the surroundings, he saw a tall figure leave the room. His voice was weak, falling short, and she obviously didn't hear._

_Where was he? The room seemed foreign to him. He noticed it was a hospital. Every part of his body seemed to be hooked up to some kind of machine. Everything ached, his body like a dead weight. _

_It was then he noticed what was placed in front of him on the table. _

_A book. _

_The spine read 'Raging Heat'. He remembered writing the manuscript, but he didn't remember sending it off, or writing a dedication. _

_He managed to lift a weak arm up and reached the book. As a writer, he could sense it was new. Produced only days ago, one of a select few that were sent to publishers and the like. _

_He longed for Kate, to see her body, to feel her touch, to taste her. _

_He also longed for answers. Everything was a mess, a blur, nothing seeming to make sense. _

_Turning to his left he saw a bed made up with various belongings of Kate's on it. He saw the pillow, it was covered in tear stains, makeup smudges. He must have put her through hell. But he remembered nothing?_

_What had happened? And what did she expect to happen? _

_It wasn't until he opened the book and read the first page that everything made sense. _

_A dedication. _

_"Such a short period of time can change a life. So many things you wish you had said, so many things you wished you could do. 50 days without you is enough to make me realise that a life without you would be impossible. Goodbyes are never good enough, but they are inevitable. You never left my side, and even though it's even harder now, I'm staying by yours, Always"_

**THE END**

**A/N: Thankyou everyone that has been with me on this journey. It was the first fic that I had written so I've been incredibly new to getting everything done. Thankyou for the reviews and suggestions, and thankyou to over 100 followers on this story. It's more than I could have ever expected. Also a big thankyou to my friend Katie, who acted as a Beta in reading all my chapters. She gave me support as well as proof reading all my work. So thankyou, and if you have any requests for fics you would like written in the future, then feel free to inbox me. Thankyou again:)**


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